All of Me
by mustangmir
Summary: Emily is a private in the USMC. After the loss of her father and finding out Alison is engaged, Emily spirals out of control. Story is set 6 years forward. {Don't want to give too much away here ;D} (Timeline is a bit different; all the drama with A would have taken place in their Jr. Year instead of Sr. Year and that summer) :: Language, sexual content:: MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY
1. Chapter 1 - Addicted

**Another story that kept rolling around in my head, I hope you all like it. I've put a lot of time and emotion into this one, if you all like it I will definitely continue it. I've laid out at least 8 chapters, so review and let me know or feedback is welcome too.**

 **Enjoy!**

 ** _Dreams are in Bold and Italics_**

 **Flashbacks and Text Messages are in Bold**

 _Internal thoughts in Italics_

Chapter 1-"Addicted"

 **It's like I can't breathe** **  
Without you inside of me  
And I know I let you have all the power  
And I realize I'm never gonna quit you over time**

Alison felt like she was finally getting her life together. She graduated from Hollis and is now an English teacher at Rosewood high for the sophomore, junior, and seniors classes. She been dating the same guy for going on 5 years, and she has grown to love him as much as Alison DiLaurentis can. They had started out as friends and he persistently asked her out for more than a year before she finally broke and agreed to one date. It wasn't exactly love at first sight but she had grown attached to him over the past few years so when he had proposed six months ago she had said yes.

 **It was a night like any other as Alison left Rosewood high after grading English essays, when Elliot called and invited her to eat at the Grill. When she arrived for dinner she thought the restaurant was closed because it was completely empty. She opened the door to the room soft lit by candles and red roses all throughout in crystal vases. Elliot was standing in a 3-piece suit holding a dozen roses, as she walked in towards him; he grabs her hands in his.**

 **"** **Ali, I know in the beginning you only saw me as a friend but over these past 5 years I have fell so deeply in love with you. I want to spend the rest of my life making you as happy as you make me." He says as he gets on one knee. "Alison Lauren DiLaurentis, will you do me the extreme honor of being my wife, will you marry me?"**

 **Alison was taken aback looking at the obvious love in his eyes, she does care for him very deeply. She takes a small deep breath, "Y-yes." She squeaks out.**

 **She had called CeCe almost immediately to tell her the news.**

 **"** **You said yes!" She asked shocked.**

 **"** **Why wouldn't I Ce?" She asks confused. "He loves me and I-I love him!" She states firmly.**

 **"** **Ali… You can't lie to me, I am your sister remember?!" She says with a bit of a laugh. "You are still hung up on…"**

 **"** **Don't go there Charlotte!" Alison says resolutely. She hadn't thought about her in months and she didn't need CeCe reopening that old wound. "Can't you just be happy for me?" She almost whines.**

 **"** **Yeah, if I thought he could make you happy, then yes I would be." She answers resolutely.**

 **"** **I'm not the one who stopped calling and changed my number, ok. I didn't drop off the fucking radar, she DID!" Alison practically screams.**

 **"** **Okay, okay." She says passively. "Sorry I brought it up. Have you told the other girls yet?"**

 **"** **I told Aria and Spencer." Ali tells her half-heartedly.**

 **"** **What about Hanna?" She asks knowingly.**

 **"** **You know Hanna can't keep her mouth shut and I don't want her say something before I get the chance to tell her in my own time and my own way." Alison says, leaving no room for arguments.**

 **"** **Where did Hanna say she was last time she heard from her?" CeCe asks curiously.**

 **"** **Somewhere in the Middle East I think? But that was a year or so ago, since I asked." Alison says dismissively, she doesn't want to think about it. She watches the news nervously every night listening for causalities and that's bad enough.**

Alison had made the mistake of letting it slip when she called Elliot her fiancé in front of all the girls. Hanna had flipped at the news; she thought that their whole relationship would have played out by now. She just prayed that Hanna could keep her month shut long enough for her to find away to tell the brunette first.

"Alright don't forget to read some of the classics this summer to get a head start for senior year!" She says at all the smiling faces of her last class of the day and current school year. "Have a great summer and see you all next year!" She says as the bell rings and the students start to shuffle out. A few come to give her a hug and tell her what an awesome teacher she is and how they will miss her over the summer. Alison had a natural knack with her classes, all the students adored her. The principal had jumped at the chance to hire her after she finished her student teaching there because she just had away with the students.

She gathers her things from her desk to bring home for over the summer including a small plant one of her students gave her and a picture of her and Elliot smiling into the camera at some fair they went to last summer. She opens one of her drawers to grab her coffee cup and some papers when she sees the faded and tattered picture. She picks it up and smiles a little at the picture of her and Em on their last day of high school. Em wearing her sharks tee and she was wearing one of her favorite yellow tank tops with lace around the top. She puts it in her bag and heads out to the small parking lot for teachers and gets in her silver Volvo S60 to head home.

As she getting ready to get out of her car, she hears her phone ring but doesn't recognize the number. She answers apprehensively, "Hello?"

"Is this Alison DiLaurentis?" A very annoyed voice asks.

"Y-yes." She answers anxiously.

"This is Officer Green of the San Diego Police Station in California. We have Private Emily Field in custody and your number was the only one we could find on her." "I-Is she alright?" Alison asks concern evident in her voice. "Yes, she was arrested for public intoxication and resisting arrest. She refuses to speak to anyone. We can only keep her for another 24 hours before we transfer her for psych. evaluation or to the prison." He states reading off a file in front of him. "I will be there as soon as I can." She says in a rush.

Alison paces nervously as she waits for Elliot to get home from his office. He is a psychologist and has his own practice, he was originally CeCe's doctor but as he started to fall for Ali he transferred her to another one of his associates.

She hears his key in the door and takes a deep breath as he pushes the door open and smiles lovingly at her. "Hello beautiful." He says setting his briefcase down on the table in the entry way before pulling her into a hug and kissing her softly, just a quick peck.

She tries to act normally and hug back but she stiffens slightly her nervous getting the better of her.

"What's wrong Ali?" He says pulling back rubbing her arms and looking into her eyes.

"It-it's Em, she's…she's in some trouble in California and…"

"You need to go help her then." He says understandingly. Alison told him some time ago about Emily and he knew that the brunette was her first love. He trusts Alison implicitly so he sees no reason for her not to go help Emily.

"I don't have to…I could always call Pam and…"

"Alison, it's fine. Pam doesn't need any more stress on her plate. It's only been 8 months since Wayne's passing." He tells her kindly.

"I will be back as soon as possible, promise." She says kissing his cheek.

"Take all the time you need, I'll be here!" He says kindly with a sincere smile.

Alison grabs one of the rolling suitcases from the hall closet and rolls it into her and Elliot's bedroom. She quickly packs a weeks' worth of jeans and t-shirts, she grabs one of her nice dresses in case she needs it, and grabs some necessities from the master bathroom. She packs a few books and her laptop so she could work on some new lesson plans on the flight and if she has some spare time while in California.

She sets the suitcase by the door and goes into her office across from the kitchen to look for a flight to San Diego. Elliot makes them some dinner and picks some wine. She is able to find a direct flight that leaves at midnight and arrives at 8 am; she also reserves a rental car from the airport. Lastly she finds a small 2 bed, 2 bath condo that does short term remtals.

She sits down at the table at the insistence of Elliot as he pours her a glass of wine and sets a plate of spaghetti with pesto sauce and a small salad down for her and one for him. She asks about his day and they talk most of dinner about a new technique that he has been reading about and planning on implementing at the office. He asks about her last day of the school year and she tells him about all the progress and growth she has seen from them since the beginning of the school year.

As they clean up the dishes they turn to a more serious topic. "So how long has it been since you've talked to Emily?" He asks genuinely wondering.

"It was six years ago, the day she left for California." She says a bit sad.

"I take it wasn't on very good terms." He asks more than states.

"I-it was a confusing time..." Alison says, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want too." He says kindly.

"Maybe some other time I'll explain it." She tells him trying to return his bright smile.

He leans in and kisses her softly on the lips. "I'll drive you to the airport!" He tells her as he puts the last of the dishes away.

Elliot rolls Alison suit case behind him and has his arm around her waist as they walk through the airport to her gate. "Promise to call me as soon as you get in." He says hugging her tightly.

"I will, promise." She says hugging him back.

"Be safe, I love you." He says kissing her.

"Love you too." She says breaking the kiss gently.

She takes her suitcase and shows the lady at the gate her ticket. She turns and waves to Elliot one last time before turning to board the plane.

The nice thing about flying first class was she was one of the few people in the front of the plane and had the whole row to herself. When she was situated in her seat she was hit with a huge wave of exhaustion, she decided to lay her seat back and try to get some sleep because she had been up since 5am.

 ** _It was right before senior prom, Emily and Alison had been dating for about a month. Emily had had enough! She was tired of living in the closet again for Alison. She promised herself a long time ago she wouldn't do that for anyone. However, Alison wasn't just anybody, she was special._**

 ** _Everything came to a breaking point a week before prom._**

 ** _"_** ** _I want to go to prom with my girlfriend!" Emily practically shouts in the school parking lot._**

 ** _"_** ** _Em! Keep your voice down, please." Alison said beseechingly._**

 ** _"_** ** _What, are you ashamed of me now?!" Emily asks in rage, trying to mask the hurt she's feeling._**

 ** _"_** ** _No, no Em that's not it…"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Then what is it Alison? Huh? Tell me what the problem is!" Emily cuts her off in frustration. It felt like she had slapped Alison across the face using her full name like that._**

 ** _"_** ** _What are people going to say?" Alison said despondently._**

 ** _"_** ** _Oh. I get it. Your reputation is more important to you, I mean heaven forbid Queen Bee Alison DiLaurentis fall for another girl." She spits out venomously stepping closer to Alison and speaking in a harsh whisper._**

 ** _"_** ** _Em…please?!" She begs holding back her tears, " I lov…."_**

 ** _"_** ** _Don't!" Emily yells stopping her dead. "I won't be your dirty little secret Alison!" She says her name almost like a bad word and it stung Alison to her it._**

 ** _Alison stands in stunned silence as Emily turns and storms off toward her car._**

Alison wakes up to the sounds of sobbing and realizes that it's her; she is the one bawling silently. She shakes her head to clear it. She's with Elliot now and she IS happy and they are getting married next summer. She and Emily had, had their chance and Alison had screwed it up. Plus last she had heard from Hanna, Emily had moved on and was quite the player now. When Hanna told her about it she acted like it was no big deal, they both had obviously moved on. She kept telling herself that she and Emily can just be friends; she loves Elliot and wants to be with him.

She decides to work on some ideas for the seniors projects next year to get her mind off Emily. She's looking through some of the books on the suggested list when her heart drops. The first book that catches her eyes is _Great Expectations_ ; she tries not to think about the memories that are trying to overtake her mind.

 **"** **That's why I love you. You're big on happy endings."**

 **"** **So is Dickens, by the way. Pip gets Estella in the end."**

Emily had actually made the first move that day and kissed her, Alison always thought it was sexy. Emily had this air of shyness around most people but she became bolder around Alison. _Get a hold of your feelings; you can't see Emily like this!_

As soon as the plane landed and she grabbed her bag and she sat at a little coffee place in the airport with a cappuccino and a croissant. She finished eating and called Elliot.

"Hey Ali! How was your flight?" He asks with a relief in his tone to hear her voice.

"Not too bad, I slept for most of it." She said with a nervous laugh.

"Well that's good; I know you needed it after being up at 5 am yesterday. Oh, before I forget CeCe called the house looking for you. I told her you'd give her call sometime today if you could." He says kindly.

"Ok, I'll call her after I finish my coffee." She tells him, she figures the sooner she tells CeCe the better. She knows she's going to get an earful from the older blonde as she always has an opinion on her love life.

"Well I have a patient in 15 I better let you go, love you Ali." He says in his loving deep voice.

"Love you too." She says a little forced.

She calls CeCe after she downs the cappuccino afraid if she doesn't do it now then she won't tell her at all.

"Baby sis, where are you?" CeCe asks in an inquisitive tone.

"I-I'm in San Diego..." She says and stops as words fail her.

"You're where?!" CeCe ask in shock.

"I got a call from the San Diego P.D. they picked Emily up for being drunk in public and resisting arrest." She tells her a bit ashamed for not telling her before she left.

"It's always the quiet ones, who knew Americano was such a lil firecracker!" CeCe says with her natural spunk.

"CeCe, this is serious!" Alison says sternly. "Emily has always had a bit of drinking problem" she says remembering the last few months of senior year.

"I know, I know, sorry Ali!" She says with a bit of regret. "Are you going to be okay seeing her?" She asks with concern.

"Y-yeah it's fine. I have Elliot now and we are getting married in a year so..."

"Oh please Ali! Rollins is about as exciting as Melba toast!" CeCe tells her, "Sure he is a great doctor but he has no personality or spontaneity what so ever!" She says over dramatically. "You're a DiLaurentis, we thrive on the drama!"

"Not me…anymore!" She amends, "I would like something simple and uncomplicated for a change," Alison tells her matter-of-factly.

"Yawn! When did you become such a bore Ali?" CeCe says in a teasing manner.

"Since, I have grown up!" She tells her, given it right back. "I'll call you again when I get a chance, love you Ce!"

"Love you too Ali, tell Americano I said hi!" She says with a chuckle.

"Will do." Alison says rolling her eyes as she hangs up.

She decides she needs to go get the rental car and head to the police station to get Emily before she changes her mind.

When she makes it the car rental place she checks in the kiosk and the computer gives her a number for a line of cars she can choose from to drive. After looking at them for a bit she decides to go with the smallest of the four cars, the **Mazda MX-5. It's a compact sports car and she can't resist the candy apple red color. She gets into the car and puts the address in the GPS** ** _. It's now or never_** **she tells herself once more.**


	2. Chapter 2 - Cry

**I am going to try to update every 2-3 days if possible, I am starting a new venture that might take up some of my time so I will do my best.**

 **Please leave reviews, feedback and/or your thoughts on the chapter I really love reading them and hearing from you all!**

 **Enjoy!**

 ** _Dreams are in Bold and Italics_**

 **Flashbacks and Text Messages are in Bold**

 _Internal thoughts in Italics_

Chapter 2-"Cry"

 **If anyone asks** **  
I'll tell them we just grew apart  
What do I care if they believe me or not  
Whenever I feel your memory is breaking my heart  
I'll pretend I'm okay with it all  
Act like there's nothing wrong**

Emily's life was in shambles, her father had just passed away recently and then to add insult to injury Hanna had called to tell her that Alison was engaged to a fucking doctor. Emily couldn't resist making the obvious joke.

 **"** **What is he her doctor?" She asks sarcastically.**

 **"** **I wouldn't put it past her." Hanna says laughingly. "But, no he was originally CeCe's shrink though!"**

 **"** **Are you fucking kidding me?!" Emily says incredulously.**

 **"** **I wish and also he is about as exciting as watching paint dry!" Hanna says disdainfully. "He has like absolutely no personality what so ever!"**

 **"** **So Miss Queen Bee is settling." Emily says with a hollow voice.**

 **"** **Em she still loves…"**

 **"** **Hanna!" She shouts. "Please don't…" She says in a defeated whisper. She can't go there; if she thinks about if for too long she can feel the cracks reforming in her tattered heart.**

 **"** **Em…" Hanna says in a serious tone, "Please, please promise me you will not do something stupid!" She says apprehension lacing her voice.**

 **"** **Hanna you know me better than that." Emily says with a dark chuckle.**

 **"** **I love Em!" Hanna says fiercely.**

 **"** **Love you too Han." She answers sincerely.**

Emily had recently come home from the Middle East after some very difficult times while deployed. She is a Private First Class in the Marine Corps and had received a Medal of Valor. The last few weeks, her drinking has started spiraling out of control. She goes to the bar and does shots till she can barely stand. She knows the effect she has on women so she has her pick of whom ever she wants to go home with on any given night.

This night she made the mistake of trying to take home a hot fiery redhead who already had a girlfriend. When she walked into the bar she saw her sitting near the bartender and her laugh is what drew her to the redhead. The laugh was almost exactly like a familiar blonde haired blue eyed girl she used to love, okay truth be told still loves. She approached her in her uniform and gave her the trademark Fields smile that made the dimple above her left eye pop.

"Of all your beautiful curves, your smile is my favorite." Emily says sliding into the seat next to her. She gives her a giant goofy grin as she looks at her with her stunning brown eyes.

The girl couldn't help but laugh at the slightly cheesy line. "Buy me a drink?" She asks her green eyes sparkling.

As the night wore on and Emily gets progressively drunker, she starts to get touchier and the other girl doesn't seem to mind. She whispers into her ear and leaning her toned muscular body into the petite redhead as she speaks.

"Wh-What do you say we go to your…your place." She says slurring her words.

She is about to answer when a dark haired woman grabs Emily. "Get your hands off my fucking girlfriend!" She says spinning Emily around to face her.

"Well obviously you can't satisfy her if I can swoop in and just..." Emily was cut off by a slap to the left side of her face.

Emily shakes it off and rears back to punch her full in face when a huge muscle-bound 6'5 guy catches her fist. "Take it outside." He says in a dark no nonsense tone.

"O-okay, okay." Emily says stumbling towards the exit. "She hits like a bitch any way." She says with a dark chuckle.

The dark haired girl pushes her way to follow Emily outside. The next thing she knows there is a female officer in her face and she is trying to get away from her to take care of the bitch who keeps screaming at her.

"Say that to my fucking face!" She screams at the woman as she tries to get away from the officer.

"I will end you bitch, your life is over!" The dark hair woman says a safe distance away.

"You don't think it isn't already!" Emily yells with an edge of desperation.

"Stop resisting." The female officer says for the third or fourth time trying to calm Emily down.

"Fuck you!" She screams in her face.

"Fine, we will do it the hard way!" The officer says firmly.

The officer wrestles Emily to the ground, cuffs her, and throws her into the back of a police car.

When she arrives at the police station she refuses to speak to any of the officers. One of the female officers pats her down and finds her military I.D. and a picture with the name Alison DiLaurentis and a phone number. She gives it to the arresting officer, Officer Green.

He tries once more to get through to Emily, "Private First Class Fields, are you going to work with us or not?" He says forceful with a hint of pleading.

Emily juts her jaw out defiantly; she did not owe any one an explanation.

"Fine we can hold you for 24 hours and then you either go for a psych eval or you will be transferred to the local jail and formally charged." He tells her hoping to shake her enough to speak. "Nothing? Also you have the right to make one phone call."

She still refuses to say anything and stares back in insolence.

"Alright take her to a cell!" he tells the female officer.

Emily lies back on the hard cot as her head throbs, she's slept on worse. She falls into a restless sleep.

 ** _The bomb was supposed to fall a half a mile outside of town, someone had royally fucked up. It was chaos every where she looks, there are women in the streets holding the bodies of their children who had been killed in the blast. They are sobbing uncontrollably rocking their tiny bodies in their arms. One woman was speaking in Arabic saying the same thing over and over again, tears running down her cheeks "my baby, my baby!" Emily tries to get away but all she can hear is the woman cries._**

 ** _The cries are too much; she turns to see the women pointing at the building engulfed in flames. She can hear the faint cries of a child trapped inside. She takes a few deep breaths before turning and running towards the burning structure. She firmly kicks the door wide open and runs inside instantly being surround by thick dark smoke. She calls out and listens closely for any answer; she is blindly wandering through the building as pieces fall all around her. She hears a small cry a few feet in front of her. She gets down on her hands and knees feeling around till her hands close around a small form. She picks up the small child gently wrapping him in her jacket and running back towards the door. As they make it to the front a huge explosion rocks the whole structure bring it down. Emily shields the boy with her body as her ears ring from the earth shattering sound of the bomb._**

Emily wakes up in a cold sweat, tears streaming down her face. She curls up in the fetal position and rocks herself back and forth. Eventually she falls into a dreamless sleep.

Emily is awoken to a familiar voice drifting down the hall. She sits up shaking her head to clear out HER voice. She hears footsteps coming down the hall and Officer Green smirks at her.

"It's your lucky day Fields!" He says with a glint in his eye.

"You were fired?!" She asks with a bit of sarcasm.

"You should be so lucky!" He says smiling at her with a chuckle. "You're fine has been taken care of and you are free to go." He says as he opens the cell.

She looks at him with a repentant smile, "I'm sorry about last night." She says with a bit of a blush.

Officer Green smiles at her, "No worries, I know when I see a broken hearted person."

She tries to smile back, am I that obvious she thinks to herself.

She follows him down the hall looking for Hanna or possibly her mother. When she rounds the corner her breath catches. She has really grown into a beautiful woman; her body has filled out very nicely with sensual curves. Her blue eyes are piercing and her hair falls into natural luscious curls. Emily looks away quickly, "Uh oh mom's here!" She says with a snarky giggle.

Frustration bubbles up inside Alison as her eyes are drawn to the striking brunette standing there in her uniform her heart warring with her mind. Emily has bulked up a bit but it is all lean muscle, she is even more stunning than Alison remembered if that was possible. She swallows a bit nervous as her mind wanders to thoughts of Emily's sexy body her hands running across her toned bronzed skin, worshipping her… _Damn it Alison get a hold of yourself! You are engaged and you love Elliot! Remember?!_

"She's all yours!" Officer Green tells Alison as he sits down at his desk to finish his reports.

Alison flushes for a second and steels her resolve. "Let's go Em!"

Emily pushes past her and growls, "Don't fucking call me that!" as she walks at the precinct doors.

Alison tries to shake it off, she turns and thanks the officers and walks out to find Emily.

She finds her pacing back and forth in front of the parking lot looking angrier and angrier with each passing moment. "Em…" She starts to say but catches herself, "Emily, what the hell is going on with you?"

Emily rolls her eyes and refuses to look Alison in the eye. She mumbles under her breath, "Like you give a flying fuck…."

Alison moves closer trying to catch what Emily said. "What was that?!" She asks the DiLaurentis temper flaring to life.

"Nothing…it's all fucking nothing okay!" Emily yells, clenching her fists at her side. "Where's your car." She asks trying to calm down and not yell and scream or hit things.

Alison fights back the urge to snap back and tear Emily to shreds. "It's the red one…" She says between clenched teeth.

Emily walks over to it and waits as Alison hits the unlock button, she slides in the passenger seat and sulks. Alison sits in the driver's seat and puts the car in gear. "Can you please put your seatbelt on?" Alison says trying to be kind.

"Like you fucking care or it fucking matters!" Emily blows up, why is Alison acting like she gives two fucks about her.

"Emily Fields don't you dare go there! You know I have always cared for you!" Alison says her fury boiling over before she gets a hold of it once more.

"You have a funny way of showing it." She says bitterly.

Before Alison can say anything in return she asks, "Can you drop me off at the base?"

"Fine!" Alison says curtly.

"H-How long are you staying?" She asks a little nervousness showing in her voice.

"As long as it takes for you to dry out and stop running for your problems." Alison answers flatly. As they pull onto base and stop at the gate.

A severe looking man looks over his glasses at the pair. "State your business." He says briskly.

"I am returning Private Fields to base!" She says in a braver voice then she feels.

He shuffles through some papers with scowl, "Ah Private First Class Fields…yes, Sgt. Major Saunders would like to speak with you. If you follow this rode all the way to the fork and take a left, his office is on the 3rd floor. He should be there waiting for you."

"Thank you." Alison says with a small anxious smile as the gate swings open.

Emily swallows audible next to Alison as she takes a few deep shaky breathes.

It takes everything in Alison power not to reach across the small gap and grab Emily's hand. "Em…" she pauses and starts again, "Do you want me to come with you?" She tries to ask indifferently.

"No, I'm a big girl!" She says scornfully.

Alison sighs in defeat, "I will be here then." She says, she has a feeling that despite Emily's obvious disgust with her, she is going to need her help.

"Fine!" Emily spits as she gets out of the car, shutting the door forcefully.

As she sees Emily disappear into the building she loses control and sobs rack her petite frame.

She decides that she will allow herself to fall apart for 5 minutes and that was it. She starts taking a few deep breaths to collect herself and she wipes her eyes. She reaches into her purse to pull out some make up and she finds the wrinkled faded picture of her and Emily.

 **Aria had decided to bring her camera to school to capture their last day at Rosewood High. She had been trying most of the day to get candid shots and photos of the girls together. So far she had gotten a photo of everyone together except Ali and Em. She knew it wasn't going to be easy with all that happened between the two but truth be told she really loved the two of them together.**

 **She had cornered Emily after her finally class of the day and practically begged her to do one picture with her, Hanna, Spencer, and Alison. Emily had reluctantly agreed mainly because she was already pretty buzzed. What she didn't know was that Hanna and Spencer weren't really going to be in the photo.**

 **Emily made her way to the quad to meet Aria and the others, she took one more swig from her flask as she sees Alison giggling and talking with Aria. Emily made her way over to the two not even looking at Alison as she spoke with Aria, "S-so where are Spencer and Han-na?" She asks with a bit of a slur to her voice. Alison notices that Emily is well on her way to being smashed and it breaks her heart.**

 **"** **Unfortunately they both forgot and left already, so I thought I could get one of you and Ali." Aria says with a smile trying to act nonchalant.**

 **Emily fought the urge to turn and walk away because Aria very rarely asks her for much. "Fine!" She huffs out in frustration as she stands about a foot away from Alison.**

 **"** **Okay," Aria says in a sweet voice, "Can you move a little closer Emily and act like you know Ali?"**

 **"** **I guess…" Emily says stepping a bit closer and lightly putting her arm around Alison.**

 **Alison tries her best not to be upset but it is killing her that Emily is being so distant with her, they use to be inseparable.**

 **"** **How about a smile for me, Em please?" Aria asks in a slight pleading tone.**

 **Emily plastered on her best fake smile because she could never resist Aria's kind smile.**

She starts to reapply a little make up to cover the puffy redness around her eyes, when her phone rings. She looks down, it's CeCe.

"Hey Ce!" She says trying to mask that not 5 minutes ago she was a bawling mess.

"Okay, tell me what's going on! Right now!" CeCe says going into full over protective sister mode she can hear it in Ali's tone, something is wrong.

"It's nothing CeCe, Emily is just so volatile." Alison says with a deep sadness.

"Do I need to come down there and kick her ass? She better not lay a hand on you." Cece says defensively.

"No it's not like that Em…Emily would never hurt me like that." Alison says with conviction as she sees Emily walking down the stairs looking distrait. "Hey Ce I got to let you go, call you later." She says hanging up before CeCe can say anything back.


	3. Chapter 3 - Beautiful Disaster

**I really love all the reviews and feedback you all give me, they really make my day.**

 **So please review and/or leave me feedback.**

 **Enjoy!**

 ** _Dreams are in Bold and Italics_**

 **Flashbacks and Text Messages are in Bold**

 _Internal thoughts in Italics_

Chapter 3-"Beautiful Disaster"

 **Such a beautiful disaster** **  
** **And if I could hold on** **  
** **Through the tears and the laughter** **  
** **Would it be beautiful?** **  
** **Or just a beautiful disaster**

Emily walks up the stairs her heart pounding a mile a minute as she pulls open the big thick door. She makes her way to the elevator and her fingers are trembling as she pushes the button for the third floor. As the elevator starts making it way pass each floor all Emily can think about is getting a drink. As the doors open she takes a shuddering breath and steps out and heads down the hall to the Sgt. Major office.

She knocks lightly on the door and she hears Sgt. Major Saunders deep booming voice, "Come in Private Fields."

She opens the door and makes her way to the chair directly across from the Sgt. Major. Her knees trembled as she sits down, "Y-you wanted to see Sgt. Major Saunders, sir?"

He clears his throat before he speaks, "Private Fields I was hoping I wouldn't see you again under these circumstances. I gave you a pass after your father's untimely passing because I understand what it is like to lose someone you love. However, this time I cannot turn a blind eye, not after you were arrested. I am willing to release you with a General Discharge under Honorable Conditions because of all your outstanding work and services you have done for your country." He says with sad eyes. "However I need to know that you have a stable place to stay. Your mother and I are still good friends, do I need to call her to come get you?" He says with real concern. "N-no, no sir that will not be necessary, I have a…friend who came into town for a while and I can stay with her." She says with an uneasy smile. "Glad to hear it, just make sure to give me your address as soon as you can so I can send you the paperwork." He says as he stands and shakes her hand firmly. "Y-yes sir." She says trying not to panic. As she rides the elevator back down she starts to have trouble breathing. _I can't stay with Alison can I? Fuck! What am I going to do?_ She really didn't want her mom to find out, especially when she is still grieving her father. When the doors open she makes a break for the bathroom. She splashes some cool water on her face and looks at herself in the mirror. Her eyes look empty and sunken in, she hardly recognizes her own face.

As Emily was coming down the stairs toward the car she noticed Alison was on the phone with someone. _Probably the wonderful Dr. Rollins!_ She thought contemptuously.

She walks over to the car reluctantly with her head down and she opens the door before sliding into the passenger seat. She couldn't bring herself to look at Alison.

"I-is everything okay Em-ily?" She says catching herself.

"Like it fucking matters." She mumbles under her breath.

"It fucking matters to me!" Alison practically screams at her.

"Can we just go…" she says demandingly before softening it with a beseeching, "please."

Alison shakes her head yes and drives to the condo she had rented for a few weeks before leaving Rosewood. When they stop at the rental office Emily turns to take off before she feels someone grab her arm.

"Where are you going?" Alison says slightly angry.

"Out!" She says abruptly.

"Do you have some where to stay?" Alison asks anxiously not wanting Emily to leave.

"No…not really." She says looking down at her feet; not wanting to meet Alison's piercing blue eyes.

"Y-you can stay with me…" Alison implores. "If you'd like?"

"Don't do me any favors." She says a bit more aggressively than she intended.

"Pl-please!" Alison says begging her.

"Fine." Emily says under her breath.

"Give me your phone so I can put my number in it, please." She says trying to ask nicely as not to start a fight.

Emily hands her phone over a little reluctantly and Alison programs her number in. "I'll text you the condo number."

"Fine but I'll be back late, don't wait up." She says before taking off down the street.

"Em…" Alison called but either she didn't hear or she just chose to ignore her and keep going.

Alison gets the keys for the condo and shoots Emily a quick message. The condo is a nice size with a small living room with a couch and a few club chairs, decent modern kitchen, dining room that has a charming bistro table and chairs, and half bath on the first floor. The second floor has dual master bedrooms with large king sized beds both rooms have private bathrooms and balconies that over looks the ocean.

She then decides to go to the store and get some food for the week. She's not sure yet how long she's going to stay but she doesn't feel like she can leave Emily here in the state she is in and Pam already has more than enough to deal with.

After putting the groceries away and unpacking in one of the two bedrooms she decided to call Elliot from the patio outside her bedroom so she can enjoy the ocean breeze.

"Hey Ali! How is everything?" He asks in his kind caring tone.

"To be honest I'm not really sure." She says letting her walls down just a little.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks not wanting to push her. That is one thing he had learned over the years, you can't make a DiLaurentis talk unless it's their idea.

"She is just so anger and defensive. I'm pretty sure she hates me!" Alison says her voice quivering considerably.

"Ali, she doesn't hate you, she has just been through a lot and she really needs a friend right now." He tells her honestly.

"Yeah, I'm trying to be there but she keeps pushing me way." Alison says sadly, she can't stand Emily giving her the cold shoulder. Plus she's not sure she can just be friends with Emily, being around her is bringing back a lot of feelings that she had thought where long since gone.

"Just show her that you aren't going to leave until she gets things sorted out." He tells her reassuringly.

"That could be awhile!" Alison says in frustration.

"No rush, I'll be here." He says compassionately. "I have a meeting with a family, call me when you can. Love you babe."

"Love you too." She tells him before hanging up.

She decides to make some dinner and she fixes Emily a plate and leaves it in the fridge. She eats in the small cozy living room and watches some mindless game shows. As the night wears on she starts to doze off on the couch waiting for Emily.

While Emily is walking away she hears Alison calling her but decides to keep walking and act as if she doesn't hear her. She tries to decide what to do, it's only about a mile to the bar she likes to hang out at so she makes up her mind to walk there.

The bar is a small hole in the wall gay bar with a jukebox and small dance floor. The bartender knows Emily by name and her drink of choice as she is there most nights. As she enters the bar she feels her phone buzz, she pulls it out. At first she thinks it's a wrong number till she sees the text.

 **The condo is 15A**

 **~Ali**

She saves Alison's number in her contacts and slides her phone back in her pocket. She looks around the bar and sees that there are quite a few nice looking women there this evening. Unfortunately none of them hold a candle to Alison, she mental slaps herself. _Get it together Fields, she's moved on! She's marrying some fucking doctor after all._

After a few drinks Emily is feeling pretty damn good when a stunning blonde enters the bar. She would have sworn it was Alison until she noticed her eyes were hazel not blue. She smiles at Emily and walks over, "Is this seat taken?" She asks with a cute grin.

Emily smiles, "It is now!" She says as she pats the seat. "What's your drink…?"

She smiles at Emily and puts out her hand to shake Emily's, "Britney!" She says with a giggle. "I like Cosmopolitans."

"I'm Emily." She says already buzzed.

She looks down the bar at the bartender and she makes her way over to the pair. "What can I get you ladies?" She asks popping her gum.

"I'll take another double and a Cosmopolitan for Britney over here." She says with a snigger. "Thanks Marisol!" Emily says with a flirtatious wink and smile.

As the night wears on and the two become drunker and drunker Emily finds herself spilling her life story to this girl.

"W-we hadn't barely start…started dating an-and she wants me to keep it 'our little secret' like I'm s-some kind of experiment. I-I should've known a-and now she's marrying some asshole doctor! And the s-sad thing…is I still love her, it kills me but I l-love her. She destroyed m-me that day! I haven't been…able to have a relationship since. She took my heart an-and never gave it b-back." She says as her words slur and she hiccups.

Britney looks at her with tears in her eyes, "S-she broke you…didn't she?"

Emily nods then she starts to feel the anger building up again. "N-now she thinks…she can come back and 's-save me'." She says with a bitter laugh. "I don't need her fucking pity."

Britney nods and smiles at Emily as the Marisol says, "Last call!"

"H-hey do you want to c-come home with me?" She asks her eyes glassy. "My b-boyfriend is at work."

Emily considers it for a bit but decides that she is not that desperate, plus she is not into cheating. Britney was definitely hot and they would have had a really great time but she had some standards. She smiles, "Not to-tonight, but thanks for the company."

Britney kisses Emily's cheek and slips her number in her pocket. "Call me sometime, sexy." She says trying to drunkenly wink.

Emily puts the number in her pocket and starts the walk to the condo. The cool night air helped her to sober up enough to make it safely there.

She quietly tries the front door and finds it unlocked. She creeps in and closes it softly and locks it behind her. She turns and sees Alison curled up on the couch completely out with a book on her chest. She walks over to the couch and gently grabs the book and sets it on the table. She turns off the lamp and takes the blanket off the back of the sofa to lie over Alison. She is so beautiful and looks so much younger when she sleeps; Emily fights the urge to kiss her cheek. She heads up the stairs and finds the empty room and falls on the mattress. She falls into a fitful sleep.

 ** _It's the day before prom and Emily has not talk to Alison since the incident in the school parking lot. She ignores her texts and calls and when she shows up at the house she has her mom or dad tell her she is out. At school she has taken to eating lunch in the library or in her car to avoid Alison. The only class they have together she waits till the absolute last second to come into the room and is always the first to leave._**

 ** _The day of prom Emily had planned on staying home and sulking in her room. However Hanna had other plans and had talked in her into to going to prom with all that rite of passage bullshit. So Emily had begrudgingly agreed to go as Hanna's "date" since Caleb was out of town._**

 ** _When they arrived Emily scanned the crowd for Alison but of course she wasn't there yet. "Always one to make an entrance, you know she will be fashionable late as usual." Hanna says with a knowing smile. "Some liquid courage?" She asks holding out a flask to Emily._**

 ** _"_** ** _Maybe later." She tells her shaking her head._**

 ** _"_** ** _How about a dance then?" Hanna says grabbing her arm and pulling her to the dance floor._**

 ** _Emily smiles as a_** ** _Beyoncé_** ** _song starts to play and she dances with Hanna. She is starting to actually enjoy herself and not really thinking about Alison. The song comes to end and a new one begins "Fight Song" starts and all eyes go to the elaborate staircase. Alison enters with a handsome tall muscular boy with piercing green eyes and dirty blonde hair._**

 ** _Emily leans over to Hanna, "I'll take that drink now!"_**

 ** _Hanna sneaks her, the flask and she downs it all. "Hey, that was supposed to last the night." She says with a frown._**

 ** _"_** ** _Sorry." She mumbles looking repentant. "Can we just go?"_**

 ** _Hanna has an idea, "Yeah gave me a minute."_**

 ** _Emily nods as she watches Hanna walk over and disappear. She decides to hit up the refreshments table._**

 ** _Hanna sees Alison walk out to the courtyard with her flavor of the week and she follows. She walks up to her and says, "So Ali did the cream help clear up that rash?!" She says looking down at Alison lower regions with a knowing smile and walks back into the dance to find Emily._**

 ** _She finds her picking at some food at one of the tables and walks over with a shit eating grin. "What did you do?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Nothing much…I may or may not alluded to Alison having some sort of rash… down there!" She says laughing loudly._**

 ** _"_** ** _Han-na!" She says stressing her name._**

 ** _"_** ** _What she broke your heart, I had to do something." She said impishly._**

 ** _"_** ** _Love you Han." She says pulling her in for a hug._**

 ** _"_** ** _Love you too; you know I always have your back." She says squeezing her tightly. "Now let's go get white girl wasted!"_**

 ** _Emily couldn't help but laugh as they walk out arm in arm._**

Alison wakes up and stretches out her sore muscles from sleeping on the couch, she notices that she has a blanket over her and the front door is locked. Emily must have finally come in sometime early this morning. She decides she should go check on her and make sure she is alright. She makes her way upstairs and pushes the door open as quietly as possible. She finds her sprawled out on the bed still dressed in her uniform boots and all. She looks almost peaceful as she sleeps, Alison sits down at the end of the bed and removes her boots and puts them by the bedroom door, then she gently pulls the blanket off the bed and covers her with it. She bends down and gently kisses her on her forehead. "I'm so sorry Em." She says before she turns and leaves the room, closing the door softly behind her, tears start to fall as she takes a few shuddering breaths. It kills her to know that part of all of this is her fault; if she could have been braver like Emily then maybe things would have been different.


	4. Chapter 4 - The Day We Fell Apart

**I got this one done a little ahead of schedule and since there is no PLL tonight I decided post it!**

 **Please, please review they make my day and I love hearing from you all!**

 ** _Enjoy!_**

 ** _Dreams are in Bold and Italics_**

 **Flashbacks and Text Messages are in Bold**

 _Internal thoughts in Italics_

Chapter 4-"The Day We Fell Apart"

 **Cause once I ran away** **  
** **I love you since the day** **  
** **The day I broke your heart (heart, heart, heart, heart)** **  
** **It's more than I could take** **  
** **I love you since the day** **  
** **The day we fell apart (part, part, part, part)**

Emily stumbles done the stairs feeling like hell, her head pounding. She makes her way into kitchen and to see Alison sitting at the table with books and papers strewn about and wonders if it's too late to back out of the room and head back to the bar. Maybe by some miracle she hasn't noticed her, if she just sneaks out before…too late.

"Good afternoon." Alison says in a slight teasing tone from the table not even bothering to look up from her work.

Emily tries to smile but it comes off more as a grimace. "H-hey."

"When is the last time you ate something?" She asks looking at her for split second before going back to the book in front of her.

Emily tries to think but her head is throbbing, "I-I'm not sure." She admits not looking at Alison who stands up and walks towards her.

"Sit!" She says in a commanding voice.

To hung-over to argue she sits down and puts her head in her hands. She closes her eyes for a few seconds and when she opens them there is two Tylenols and bottle of water sitting in front of her. She puts the pills in her mouth and downs half the bottle of water. "Thank you." She mumbles.

Alison continues working on a sandwich for Emily. "You're welcome; I'll have something for you to eat in a few minutes."

"You don't have to Alison… I am a big girl." She says slight irritated trying to stand but thinking better of it when the room seems to spin.

"Well tough," Alison says sliding the sandwich over to her "now eat!" She says in a no arguments tone. Alison sits down and continues reading her book and scribbling notes as she goes.

Not really up to fighting at the moment she eats her sandwich and drinks the rest of the water, she's starting to feel a little better.

Alison puts her book down and looks over at Emily, "So are you going to tell me what happened yesterday?"

Emily takes a big deep breath before she speaks, "I have been discharged with a General Discharge under Honorable Conditions…"

Alison couldn't help but ask confused, "Wait what does that mean?"

Emily tries to keep her temper in check; she doesn't want to get into it too much so she only brings up what is necessary. "It means that I have to find some where to stay, where someone can make sure I stay out of trouble. If not then he's going to call my mom as a favor to my dad because they were close friends."

"Then you will have to stay with me for awhile." Alison says like it's not a big deal.

Emily looks down at Alison's hand and sees the large diamond ring on her left ring finger. "What about the good doctor?" She asks her voice dripping with unmasked disdain. "I am sure he is all too thrilled you are here with me!"

"What does that mean?" Alison asks becoming irritated and snippy.

"Oh nothing…Just that we were together for a time and it didn't end on the best of terms." She says with sarcasm coloring her words.

Alison tries not to lash out as she can see Emily is hurting. "He understands."

"Yeah, what does he understand? That you strung me along for years and pretended you cared as you ripped out my fucking heart?!" Emily stands up knocking over the chair and is practically screaming at Alison.

Alison tries to keep calm as she stands up to face Emily. "You have no idea how I feel…felt about you." She starts, feeling like she wants to cut Emily down to size but she tries to resist. "How much it killed me to let you walk away, Emily I loved…"

"Don't you dare say it." Emily whispers dangerously as she starts to pace. "You never cared and you don't know how to love. YOU destroyed me!"

Alison stands in shock, not knowing what to say as Emily storms out of the house, slamming the door before she can even open her mouth. It feels like she just can't do anything right when it comes to Emily and it breaks her heart.

Emily didn't know where she was going but she needed to get away from Alison before she said something she couldn't take back. She finds herself back at the bar again and sits in her usual spot near the bartender. Then Marisol brings her, her usual and she downs it before ordering another. Girls keep coming up and trying to talk to her and flirt with her but she is so lost in her own head that she barely even looks at them. Memories keep coming back in violent flashes.

 **Emily shows up to Alison house so drunk she can barely stand. She beats on the front door screaming for her. "Ali…Ali…is your new f-fucking new b-boy toy here?"**

 **Alison opens the door feeling anger flash through her at Emily's words. "Please stop screaming before the neighbors call the cops!" Alison tries to keep her voice somewhat calm. "And can we not do this outside…please?"**

 **"** **Fi-Fine…" Emily says stumbling through the front door.**

 **Alison leads the totally shit faced Emily up the stairs and helps her sit down on her bed.**

 **"** **What do you want Em?" Alison asks sounding exhausted.**

 **"** **Well…I WANTED you but th-that isn't obviously happening. You can go to prom with that little fuck boy but you are…em-embarrassed to be with me!" Emily says looking lost and broken.**

 **Alison kneels down in front of Emily and grabs both her hands. "Em…I'm so so sorry, I'm a coward. You are all I think of…Em I lov…"**

 **"** **Ali please don't." Emily whispers as she starts to sway and room starts to spin. "I-I need to g-go home..." She says trying to stand as she stumbles and falls back on the bed.**

 **"** **Em…you can't go home like this. Just lie down and rest okay?" Alison couldn't stand the idea of Emily get yelled at or worse off forced into rehab.**

 **Emily looked like she was going to try to fight her but decided better of it and laid down. She curled into the fetal position and fell into a fitful sleep. Alison sat on the bed next to her and watched her sleep, she looked so childlike when she slept, so innocent. Alison couldn't help herself, she ran her fingers through her hair in a calming manner. Emily rolled over in her sleep and pulled Alison down beside her, Alison wraps her arms around Emily. Alison missed this so much she missed the times when it was simpler and just the two of them in their own safe little world.**

Emily orders another double and downs it before ordering another.

Alison is about to lose it so she decides to call the one person who has consistently been there for her over the last 6 years.

"Hey CeCe." She says in a broken voice.

"Baby girl what's the matter?" She asks concern lacing her voice.

"It's everything…Emily hates me, all she does is yell at me and try to fight about everything." Alison says with a sob.

"She doesn't hate you Ali, can't you see she still loves you! She wouldn't be so passionate if she didn't. She's afraid of you pushing her way again." CeCe tries to get her to understand, Alison's never been very good at understanding feelings, hers or anyone else's.

"CeCe I'm engaged…I'm supposed to be getting married next summer!" She says in a pleading tone.

"Answer me this honestly..." She tells Alison, "Who do you really see yourself with for the rest of your life? Boring Dr. Rollins or super sexy Emily?" CeCe always had a soft spot for the brunette.

"But Elliot was there for me through so much Ce." Alison tells her as a war rages on inside her heart and mind.

"Do not confuse gratitude for love babe!" She says like it's the simplest answer in the world.

"It's not that easy CeCe...I have moved on, Emily has moved on…"

"If you have moved on then why are you so heart broken right now?" CeCe asks curiously.

Alison doesn't know what to say, why is this affecting her any way she loves Elliot…doesn't she, I mean after all she said yes to marrying him.

"You don't have to answer right away, why don't you give it some time?" CeCe says kindly.

"Okay, I will try." Alison says lost in thought. "I'll talk to you later, love you." She says absent mindedly.

"Love you to baby girl and remember you don't owe any one anything. Do what makes you happy!"

Alison mumbles a good bye before hanging up the phone. _Do I still love Emily? Could she still love me? What about Elliot? Is it fair to break his heart like this after I told him yes and we've been together for 5 years?_

Emily is so drunk that she tries to stand but ends up on the floor giggling, her phone on the bar forgotten. The bar was closing soon and the poor bartender, Marisol kept trying to get Emily up and to sober up a bit. She finally got her to sit still at the bar and asks, "Do you need me to call you a cab or something?"

Emily spins on the bar stool and tries to wink at the bartender. "I'm good, h-how…bout I go home with y-you?" She says trying to focus on the bartender's green eyes. Marisol is a tall Latina woman with hair so black it appears to be blue; she has nice curves, and a very sweet personality.

"I'm flattered and everything but I don't think my husband would appreciate it." She says smiling.

"Here…" She says pushing the phone toward her, "you c-ca-can call Ali-son!" She giggles.

Alison gave up waiting for Emily and went upstairs to lie in bed; she was so tired she fell asleep relatively easy.

 ** _"_** ** _Emily I can't stand to see you like this." Alison says reaching out to touch Emily's cheek as she trembles._**

 ** _Emily has been up most of the night her body violently trying to get rid of the copious amounts of liquor she had consumed. Alison kept trying to talk her into going to the hospital but Emily had begged between retches not to be taken there. She didn't want to explain all of this to her mother._**

 ** _"_** ** _Do you think you can try to lie in the bed to rest?" Alison asks rubbing her back comfortingly._**

 ** _Emily shakes her head no and Alison gets up and walks out. Emily sat there shaking viciously feeling sorry for herself and thinking that Alison had left her to suffer alone._**

 ** _Alison returns with a bunch of blankets and pillows, and proceeded to lay out a soft bed on the bathroom floor. She cuddled into the blankets and looked at Emily, "Can…can I hold you please?"_**

 ** _Emily is too tried to fight and crawls into Alison's arms, as their bodies meddle together the trembling starts to dissipate slowly. "Th-this does…doesn't mean I for-forgive you." She says as she tries to stop shaking._**

 ** _"_** ** _Shhh, we can fight later, just sleep." Alison whispers as Emily closes her eyes. She gently kisses Em's forehead which is covered in a cold sweat._**

A shrill sound made Alison sit up bolt right out of bed and she notices it's her phone ringing. "He-hello?" She says half asleep.

"Yeah is this…Alison?" The voice asks sounding concerned and a bit desperate.

"It is who, is this?" She asks starting to wake up and she is sure that this has something to do with Emily.

"This is Marisol fromm Sliders Bar and I was wondering if you could come get Emily? I don't feel safe letting her walk out of the bar in this condition." She says with unease.

"I'll be right there!" Alison says as she gets up and throws some clothes on and grabs the keys on her way out the door.

Alison walks into the bar to find Emily mercilessly flirting with the poor bartender who keeps telling her, she is flattered but has a husband. Alison makes her way over to the two to rescue the poor girl from Emily's roaming, persistent hands.

She grabs Emily's hand in her own and looks to Marisol, "I'm sorry about this." She says looking at Emily.

"No worries, she is a sweet heart and I know she is harmless," She says with a smile.

"Thank you for watching out for her, we'll get out of your hair." Alison says returning her kind smile.

"No problem, have a good night!" She says as she wipes the bar down.

"You as well!" Alison calls as she helps Emily walk to the door.

"Come on Emily, let's get you home." She says wrapping an arm around Emily's waist.

"Al-i-son! Did you come to dance?" Emily asks trying to pull Alison out on to the dance floor wrapping her arms around her. Alison's breath catches as feels Emily's strong arms around her waist.

"Not tonight Emily, Marisol is trying to close the bar." Alison says shooting Marisol a small smile of apology, Marisol just smiles back and continues cleaning.

Emily can hardly stand as they walk to the car and she keeps giggling as they walk. Alison helps her into the car and puts her seatbelt across her lap; Emily tries to kiss her neck as she reaches over her. "None of that!" She tells her firmly as she clicks the belt into place and chuckles a bit.

"I can't help it, y-you grew up nice…" Emily says trying to wink all sexy at her.

"Emily you're drunk and secondly you hate me, remember?" Alison says as she gets in the driver's seat.

"I-I don't…hate you." She mumbles.

"Then what Em? Sorry Emily!" Alison asks in desperation she is so tired of riding this merry-go-round with her.

Emily looks at her with glassy eyes and smashes their lips together. Alison loses herself and moves her lips passionately against Emily's. Emily moves her hands to tangle into Alison golden locks. The kiss is rough and full of want. Emily runs her tongue over Alison's lip seeking permission when her phone rings loudly breaking the moment.

Emily shakes the fog from her head as Alison looks at the phone. "It's Elliot." She mumbles sounding anger.

"Answer it!" Emily says in loathing.

Alison hesitates for a moment and then decides better of it and answers the phone. "Hey babe." She says as Emily cringes at the nickname.

"Sorry to call so late, I just couldn't wait to tell you the great news!" He says about to pop.

Alison tried to sound excited while she could feel Emily's eyes boring into her. "What's the news?"

"There is a clinic in Leipzig, Germany the birth place of modern psychology that wants me. They want me to come and help with their programs this summer!"

"Th-that's amazing Elliot, I'm so proud of you." Alison says nervously.

"They want me as soon as possible. I know you are busy helping your friend and everything but do you think you could fly down with me?" He asks hopefully.

"El…I don't know, she's so drunk right now that if I wasn't here I'm not sure what would've happened to her." Alison says trying to get him to understand.

"I understand Ali but I need you too. Do you think you could fly up later?" He asks pleadingly.

"I will try my best." She says not sounding to convincing.

"I love you so much Ali!" He says trying to be an understanding fiancé.

"I l-love you too." She says in almost a whisper before hanging up.


	5. Chapter 5 - I Hate Myself for Losing You

**Please leave a review, suggestions, and/or feedback! I love reading them and hearing from all of you.**

 **ENJOY!**

 ** _Dreams are in Bold and Italics_**

 **Flashbacks and Text Messages are in Bold**

 _Internal thoughts in Italics_

Chapter 5- "I Hate Myself for Losing You"

 **I woke up today** **  
Woke up wide awake  
In an empty bed  
Staring at an empty room  
I have myself to blame  
For the state I'm in today  
And now dying  
Doesn't seem so cruel**

Alison throws Emily into a freezing cold shower fully clothed; she was not dealing with a drunk and handsy Emily not again.

"Al-ison…" She cries through her shivering.

"Emily, I don't want to hear it, we are not doing this again. You need to get this under control." Alison retorts.

"Like it even fucking matters, just go home to your fiancé!" Emily shouts in rage.

Alison opens her mouth to say something and she thinks better of it. She turns on her heels and storms out.

As the door slams Emily falls to the floor of the shower and sobs losing all control. _Why does this hurt so much? Why can't I just move on, Alison certainly has!_

Alison leans on the bathroom door listening to Emily's desperate sobs. She slides down the door and pulls her knees up to herself and cries out in pure anguish. She can feel little tears forming in her broken heart all over again.

Alison was becoming anxious, the crying from the bathroom had stopped but the water continued to run. She stood up, wiped her eyes, and took a deep breath before opening the door.

She found Emily still curled up in the shower, rocking back and forth mumbling to herself. "Emily, stand up… please." She says gently as she turns off the water.

Emily obeys and stands, her teeth chattering. Alison reaches for her shirt, "may I?" She asks gently tugging at the hem of Emily's shirt.

Emily looks at her with tears in her eyes and nods as she lifts her arms above her head. Alison tenderly slides off her soaking shirt and throws it into the sink. She undoes her pants and looks at Emily's eyes before doing anything else; Emily looks at her still shaking with a little nod. Alison slides her jeans and underwear off and she turns to let Alison undo her bra. She deposits them in the sink with Emily's shirt. Goose bumps pop up all across her beautiful mocha skin. Alison distracts herself by turning on some warm water for her. She had caught glimpses of Emily naked before but never like this and her heart was racing. _You're engaged!_ She reminded herself as she turned to leave the bathroom.

In a little voice she heard, "Please don't leave me Alison."

Alison stopped but didn't turn around, she clears her throat, "I-I'm just getting you a towel and some night clothes." She says.

"O-Okay." She says as she washes her body with some of Alison's soap.

Alison goes down the hall to her room and grabs a pair of her shorts and one of her larger sleep shirts. She makes her way back to the hall to grab a towel as she sees her ring sparkle in the light. It felt like a weight on her finger and she started to feel all these doubts swirling inside her heart and mind. _It's just cold feet suck it up DiLaurentis._

She returns to the bathroom and couldn't help her eyes from roaming over Emily's gorgeous curves. The water turns off and Alison looks away blushing as Emily steps out of the shower, a drop of water runs between her beautiful ample breasts. _How I'd like to run my tongue up her body to catch that._ She shakes her head to clear the thought, thankful that Emily hadn't noticed. Alison wraps the warm fuzzy towel around her tall lean frame. Emily's trembling seems to slow down slightly as Alison rubbed her arms up and down and helped her dry off.

"I brought you something to wear to bed." Alison says trying her damnedest to not stare.

"Th-thank you." Emily says with a shaky smile.

"Are you feeling alright?" Alison says her ocean blue eyes connecting with Emily's chocolate browns.

Emily swallows nervously. "Y-yeah…I think so." She says wrapping the towel around her.

"I'll let you get dressed then." She said as she turns to leave.

"Alison?" She asks so quietly she almost doesn't catch it.

"Yeah Em…Emily?" She catches herself.

"C-can you stay while I get dressed, please? I feel a bit s-shaky still." She says shyly.

"S-sure..." She says as she sits on the side of the tub looking away from Emily, until she hears her stumble and she was on her feet grabbing a hold of Emily before she even had a chance to think about it. "Sorry…" She says flushing at the feeling of Emily's bare skin under her fingers.

"No, thank you, I almost busted my ass!" She says with a bit of a chuckle. "D-do you mind helping me…please?"

Alison has her sit down and helps her slid the shorts on and she raises her arms up for Alison to pull the shirt on. "There is that better?"

"Y-yes, thanks." Emily says looking away. All she wanted to do was smash their lips together in another kiss, missing the feeling of Alison's sweet lips on hers again. "I-I should go…" She says, Alison's eyes look upset, "to bed." She amends.

Alison breathes a sigh of relief, "O-okay, night Emily," She says with a nervous smile before turning to head back to her room.

"N-night Alison." She says shutting her door lightly behind Alison.

Alison stands there for a few minutes thinking. _Did Emily just kiss me in the car or was that all just a dream?_ She could still feel Emily's kiss on her lips as she touches them gently with a finger tip.

Alison sits on her bed and spins the engagement ring on her left finger as she thinks. _Did I make a horrible mistake by saying yes to Elliot?_ She feels trapped looking at the ring on her finger, almost like it's a handcuff. Elliot is such a sweet caring man; she can't stand the thought of breaking his heart. But being here with Emily has made her feel things she never thought she would feel again. She lies down on the bed and tries to get some sleep but her dreams are invaded by a certain tall lean brunette with stunning chocolate eyes.

 ** _Paige and Emily had finally called it quits for real this time and Alison decided it was now or never. "Hey Em?" She says to the brunette as they stand by her locker, while she digs for some books._**

 ** _"Yeah Ali?" Her muffled voice came from inside her locker as she dug. "Ah, there you are!" She says pulling out her English book._**

 ** _A huge wave of nerves suddenly hits Ali. "D-Do you want to go to the brew after school?"_**

 ** _Emily smiles, "Yeah of course." She says as she wonders what has Alison so nervous all the sudden. They walk together to class._**

 ** _After their last class Alison meets Emily by her locker still acting a bit strange. "Hey!" Emily says with a grin._**

 ** _"H-Hey yourself… Are you ready to go?" She asks in a rush._**

 ** _"Sure, is everything ok Ali?" She asks concern in her voice._**

 ** _"Everything's great!" She says trying to calm her nerves._**

 ** _They order their drinks and decided to take a walk since it's such a lovely day out. They ended up at the kissing rock, where Alison sits and motions for Em to join her._**

 ** _"So what's up Ali?" Emily says playing with the stir stick in her coffee._**

 ** _"Well, I know you just broke up with Paige..." She starts and then the rest falls out in a giant mess, "but-I-was-wondering-if-you'd-give-me-a-chance!"_**

 ** _Emily looks slightly confused, is Alison asking what she thinks she is asking? "What do you mean 'give you a chance'?"_**

 ** _"Em will you be my… my girlfriend?" Alison asks putting it all on the line._**

 ** _Emily sits stunned for a moment, "Y-yes!" She squeaks out dropping her coffee._**

 ** _Alison leans towards her their lips inches apart and she brings her lips to Emily's in a gentle kiss. They start out slow, timid kisses building up to Alison's tongue running along Emily's bottom lip seeking permission to enter. She opens her mouth gladly as Alison tongue explores, she taste intoxicating. Their tongues dance in an easy rhythm, Alison runs her hands through Emily's hair and tangle in it. Emily breaks the kiss panting and they keep their foreheads pressed together. Feeling brave Emily kisses Ali along her jaw line and down her neck biting and sucking her skin. Alison is enjoying the feel of Em's tongue swirling patterns on her neck. She returns to Alison lips her tongue exploring Ali's mouth this time, Alison pulls her in closer loving making out with Emily. She slides her hand under Em's shirt running her nails along her flat stomach, Emily trembles under her touch. Alison breaks the kiss this time and looks into Emily's brown eyes that have darkened to almost black. She looks down at Emily's chest and smiles slightly. "May I?" She asks with a sly grin._**

 ** _Emily nods not trusting her voice. Alison slides her hand up under Emily's shirt and cups her lace clad breast, as she gently squeezes and rubs Emily bites her lip to stop a moan. Alison can't resist her cute lip bite and pulls her in for a passionate kiss their tongues softly exploring each other. Emily runs her hands through Alison's golden tresses finding purchase as she wraps her hair around her fingers. Emily breaks the kiss to catch a quick breath before pulling Alison back into a searing kiss. She revels in the thought that these lovely lips are now hers for the taking whenever she wishes. Alison is finally hers, it feels too good to be true._**

Alison wakes up feeling an ache at her core from her vivid dream. That day seemed like decades ago, she mentally kicked herself for letting Emily still affect her this way.

She throws herself back on the bed in frustration, _why do I feel like this? I love Elliot!_ She keeps repeating over and over again willing herself to believe it. She decides to take a shower and then try to go back to sleep as it had been a long night already.

Emily wakes up and doesn't remember how she got into bed let alone how she made it home last night. She tries to sit up but the whole room feels like it is spinning, so she lays back and groans, she feels like she got hit by an 18-wheeler. She looks at her phone it's already afternoon but she turns over to go back to sleep. As she starts to fade in and out there is a tentative knock at the door. At first she thought it was just her mind messing with her when she heard Alison, "Hey Emily? Can I come in?"

Emily tried to sit up but the room started going topsy-turvy again. "I guess…" She says closing her eyes tight and throwing her arm over her face.

Alison opens the door and looks at Em with her face covered and her shirt riding up showing off a six pack. She completely forgot what she came into say as she stares at her wanting to feel her soft skin.

Emily grumbles as she brings her arm down almost catching Alison's open mouthed staring. "What'd want?" She asks her voice a bit gravely.

"N-Nothing…" She said trying to remember what she came in for. "I just was wondering if you wanted something to eat?" She says avoiding Emily's gaze.

"Maybe later, right now the room spins every time I sit up." She says looking a bit green as she lifts her head.

"I'll be right back!" Alison says before practically running out of the room.

 _What's her deal?_ Emily wonders as she closes her eyes. The next thing she knows there is somebody standing next to her lightly touching her arm causing her jump a bit.

"S-Sorry." Alison says sheepishly. "I brought you some water and Tylenol to help you feel better." She says holding them out for Emily to grab.

Emily sits up long enough to take the pills and down most of the bottle before lying back again.

"Do you need anything?" Alison asks standing there anxiously.

"Just a bit more sleep, please…" She says drowsily.

"Okay, I'll check on you in a while." Alison says turning to leave.

"Thanks Alison." Emily says and then starts lightly snoring.

Alison sits at the kitchen table and spreads out the papers she's been working on and the books she has for her classes to read next year. _Great Expectations_ catches her attention as she sits there trying to work. _Is Elliot my Pip?_ She thinks as her mind wonders. She has never felt the kind of things with him that she has felt with Emily.

 **Alison had come over to Emily's house since her mom was in Texas visiting her dad. They had been watching a movie on Em's bed when they had started kissing. Emily tugs on Ali's shirt and she raises her hands for her to take it off. Emily slowly slides the shirt up her body, her hands running over the exposed skin every time Emily touches her it sends shudders through her body. Emily takes in the sight of Alison in her blue lacy bra as Alison takes her hand and puts it on her chest. "You can touch me." She says, her eyes sparkling. Emily complies and runs her hands up Alison's stomach to gentle squeeze her breasts. Alison grabs the hem of Emily's shirt and pulls it off exposing her toned upper body. Alison pulls Emily into her for a heated kiss, hands exploring newly exposed skin. Feeling daring Emily slides her hands to the back of Ali's bra and expertly undoes it. Alison breaks the kiss to slide the lace fabric off and flings it away. Emily stares at her perfect breast and bites her lip. "Ali you are perfect." She says as she pushes Ali back on her bed and straddles her hips.**

 **She brings her mouth down to kiss between her breasts as Alison arches into her. Emily runs her finger tips teasingly around each breast causing the cutest little sounds to escape Alison's slightly parted lips. She brings her mouth down on one and tease her nipple with her tongue until Alison's breathes becomes ragged. Emily lets go with a pop as she kisses up Alison's body leaving a few marks on her perfect ivory skin. Alison reaches behind Em and undoes her bra and slips it off. She flings it over with hers and uses her hips to flip Emily onto her back. She brings her mouth down onto her breasts licking and nipping them causing Emily to moan. A little voice in the back of Emily's head tells her she needs to stop, they promised each other that they would take things slow and they had only been together a few weeks. So reluctantly Emily pulls Alison to her, "Baby if you keep doing that I'm not going to be able to stop." She says trying to breath.**

 **Alison looks a little sad but nods in agreement. "Cuddle?" Alison asks in a cute small voice. Emily opens her arms for her to snuggle in. Alison willingly accepts and lies in her arms. Emily kisses her forehead sweetly, she enjoys the feel of the skin to skin contact. They fall asleep wrapped up together.**

Elliot's kisses are almost rushed and his touch doesn't send little electric pulses through her body the way Emily's did. Sometimes truth be told all the time being with Elliot, intimately felt like an obligation instead of being pleasurable.


	6. Chapter 6 - Let Your Tears Fall

**A little Easter gift or whatever you celebrate! Please leave a quick review, some feedback, or any thoughts. I love to hear from you all!**

 **Enjoy!**

 ** _Dreams are in Bold and Italics_**

 **Flashbacks and Text Messages are in Bold**

 _Internal thoughts in Italics_

Chapter 6- "Let Your Tears Fall"

"It's not a crime to fall apart sometimes  
It's not a crime to ask why to ask why, you cry  
Let your tears fall"

Alison had been avoiding Elliot's calls the last few days since he was in Germany; she wasn't in the mood to deal with him asking her to fly out to see him. Emily needed her more than he did and she wasn't in the mood to fight with him. After about the 8th call she knew she needed to answer him. "Hey El, how are things?"

"Great! How are you?" He says hardly containing his excitement.

"Emily is drinking herself into oblivion and she loves to yell and scream at me, but other than that fine I guess." Alison says a little of the old DiLaurentis bitchiness coming out.

"I'm sorry to hear that sweetheart, maybe you can come down to see me for a few weeks!" He says hopeful.

"Elliot we've talked about this I can't leave her like this, she'll self destruct!" Alison temper is getting the better of her.

"Ali there is only so much you can do for her! She has to want to help herself at some point." He says trying to be helpful.

Alison could feel that this was going to turn into a fight because her temper was starting to flair with each passing second. She decides to change the subject. "So how's the summer programs going?"

"It is going great; they are talking about offering me a permanent position at the end of the summer because they love my new techniques for dealing with early onset schizophrenia." He says bursting with happiness.

"Are you going to take the job?" Alison asks thinking about what that would mean for them.

"Most definitely, it has always been my dream to work in the city that was the birthplace of modern psychology. You will love it here to; they have some great private schools."

"Wait Elliot, I can't leave Rosewood! Charlotte is here, my family home is here, and I can't leave my students!" Alison says getting a bit emotional.

"Can you please at least come and see it for yourself before you make a decision, please?" He asks in a slight pleading tone.

"I will think about it." She says frustration in her voice.

"I will talk to you soon; I have another seminar in 15. Love you Ali!"

"Love you." She says bitterly before she hangs up and calls CeCe.

She explains to CeCe about the possibility of Elliot getting a job on the other side of the world and what that would mean.

"Could you really leave everything behind to become Dr. Rollins and Mrs.?" CeCe says in her usual biting sarcastic tone when she didn't like something.

"I know Ce.." She starts to say.

"And what about Americano? Are you willing to give her up again?!" She asks incredulously.

"Ce, I can't go there. She can hardly look at me without screaming at me."

"Well you know what they say; there is a fine line between love and hate."

The next two weeks were about the same, Emily would go drink herself into oblivion and Alison would come to rescue the poor bartender from her drunken advances. Alison apologized profusely to her and she just smiled and told her it was no big deal, she was not dangerous.

Alison drags Emily into the house and takes her upstairs to her room to put her to bed when Emily grabs her and mashes their lips together in a messy needy kiss. Alison knows she should stop it but she can't bring herself to break the kiss. The last few weeks she kept having dreams about Emily's beautiful body and kissing every inch of her mocha skin. Emily pushes her down on the bed and straddles her hips, she leans down and starts kissing her neck and sucking at the ivory skin leaving a few marks. Alison moans into the feel of Emily hungrily nibbling on her neck. She really, really needs to stop this before it goes too far. Emily slides Alison's shirt up and brings her mouth onto the exposed skin giving her open mouth kisses and Alison arches into her, loving the way Emily's mouth feels. She wraps her arms around Emily's neck bring her in for a searing kiss as their tongues dance in an old familiar pattern. Alison breaks the kiss first panting and brings her hands to cup Emily's face. Emily feels Alison engagement ring on her cheek and instantly sobers up. Alison looks at her, her demeanor changes and she sees Emily's eyes look down at the ring Elliot had given her. Emily jumps back off of her like she has been burned; Alison sits up and pulls her shirt back down. "Em…"

"Just fucking don't." She whispers harshly.

"Emily I'm sorry I just…:

"Get out, now!" She yells her rage bubbling up.

Alison looks at Emily and sees the anger coming off in waves. "I-I'm sorry.." She mumbles as she walks out of Emily's room.

Emily slams the door and starts throwing things and screams into one of the pillows on the bed. She keeps hitting her fist against the cement wall over and over again cussing the whole time as her knuckles begin to bleed.

Alison slides down the wall of hallway and dissolves into tears; she had almost completely lost control of herself and slept with Emily. It's bad enough that she had made out with her. She's not sure what to do or if she should even tell Elliot about it. She hears muffled screaming and then something hitting the wall over and over again and Emily cussing. She gets up and opens the door carefully to investigate what the sound was. She rushes in a grabs Emily's hands. "Emily! Stop!" She yells shaking her. Emily looks up into Alison's eyes Emily's eyes are tumultuous with emotion. "Your hand?" Alison says a few tears escape down her cheek.

"I-It doesn't even hurt…that much." She says sounding detached from herself.

Alison holds her hand gently in hers as she looks at it, "I don't think it's broken." She says softly. "Can I clean it and bandage it for you… please?" She asks with blue pleading eyes.

Emily's façade of indifference falls slightly, "O-okay."

Alison keeps a hold of her and leads her into the bathroom and puts her hands under the tap. She washes it gently with soap and carefully dries it. She grabs Emily's arm gently and leads her downstairs, into the living room and makes her sit on the couch. "I'll be right back." She says before heading back upstairs to her room to grab the first aid kit.

When she returns tears are silently streaming down Emily's face. When she notices Alison she quickly wipes the tears away with her left hand. Alison sits down on the couch and reaches for Emily's hand carefully, she puts some triple antibiotic on each knuckle and wraps it carefully with some gauze and secures the ends with tape. As she finishes she looks at Emily catching her eye. "Can we please talk about what happened?" She implores.

"There is nothing to talk about." Emily counters in a clipped tone building her walls back up.

"Emily please…"

Emily stands up and cuts her off, "There is nothing to fucking talk about Alison! You are engaged!" She says storming off upstairs to her bedroom and collapsing on the bed she falls into a restless sleep.

 ** _Emily comes to with a ringing in her ears and her body wrapped around a small boy who is crying for his mother. She carefully stands up and picks him up gently cradling him, as she hands him to his mother she keeps thank her over and over again. She looks around to see if there are any other survivors that are stuck when she hears the cries of someone in one of the houses that is almost completely collapsed in on its self. She can only understand a few words the man is saying as she is nowhere near fluent in Arabic. From what she can gather there are at least three others trapped in the debris. She starts rummaging through the wreckage for a way in. She finds one where one of the walls is almost completely gone, she just has to push some of the bigger pieces of the wall out of her way._**

 ** _When she has cleared a good portion away she makes her way in dodging pieces of the roof that are caving in. She finds the man who was calling for help and picks up the beam that has trapped his leg. She helps him stand and he points down the hall and says his children are down there. She pushes her way through all the debris and kicks open the door at the end of the hall and find two young children holding each other as the cry quietly. When they see her the older girl smiles and picks up her younger brother. Emily takes the small boy carefully and the girl grabs her hand. She makes her way back down the hall and feels flames coming from the other side of the wall. She pulls the girl with her as the run down the hall and make their way out to where she had entered the house originally. As they make their out she hears cries of joy as a woman pulls her into a hug and kisses her cheek. She looks over the woman's shoulder and sees the man she rescued smiling back at her._**

 ** _She lets Emily go telling her thank you repeatedly and Emily smiles at her and tells her she is welcome. She hands the boy back to his mother and she feels a tug on her pant leg. She looks down and the girl raises her arms for a hug. Emily kneels down and pulls her into a hug and the little girl weeps on her shoulder. The house shudders and collapses completely with a poof of dust as it falls and is engulfed in flames._**

Alison sits on the couch with her head in hands. She lays back on the couch too emotionally drained to go up stairs. She turns the TV on for background noise as she lies there her mind wandering.

 **The prom was coming up soon and Emily was hoping that Alison would go with her as her date. She desperately wanted to dance with her at prom, imagining how beautiful she'd look in a shimmering dress her hair pulled back with her curls falling loosely around her face.**

 **They decide to hang out at Alison's house as her father and Jason are never there. They're sitting on Ali's bed looking through some teen magazines that focuses on prom themes. Alison flips the page and finds a dress she likes; it's a deep purple strapless dress that was floor length. "You would look so stunning in this dress!" She tells Emily as she leans forward and kisses her lips lightly.**

 **Emily smiles, "Will you go to prom with me?"**

 **Alison feels dread creep into the pit of her stomach. "Em…I'm not ready to come out!" She says trying to keep her voice even.**

 **"** **Can you please think about it? For me Ali." Emily says with her big brown puppy dog eyes.**

 **"** **Give me some time babe." She asks with a pleading edge to her tone.**

 **Emily smiles at her hopefully, she couldn't stand all this sneaking around. She wanted to shout it out that Alison was hers but Ali needed a little more time.**

 **Alison closes the magazine, "Come here!" She says waggling her finger at Em.**

 **Emily obeys and crashes her lips to Alison's who dominates the kiss with want. Alison pushes her down on the mattress and hovers above her. She locks her eyes with Emily's and slides Em's shirt up exposing her toned stomach. She kisses all along the muscles of her stomach and Emily squirms beneath her. She rakes her fingernails down Em's sides causing her to arch up; she hooks her fingers around the waist band of Em's shorts. She lifts her hips so Alison can slide them off. Sliding them painfully slow down her legs and tossing them to the side. She finishes removing her shirt leaving her in matching black lacy bra and panties. The blonde lays over her and kisses her way up from her belly button to the edge of her bra. Emily tugs at her shirt and Alison lifts her arms as Emily pushes the fabric up her body and flings it toward the pile of her discarded clothing. Alison's finger is tracing the band of Emily's underwear when they hear the front door and a voice call up the stairs.**

 **"** **Al…You home?" He says as she hears his footsteps making their way up the stairs.**

 **"** **Just a sec!" She yells as she almost falls off of Emily and onto the floor. Emily jumps up and grabs a wide eyed Ali. They both get dressed in a hurry before her door swings open.**

 **"** **Oh, hi Emily!" He says with a smile that makes his eyes sparkle. "Do you want to join us for dinner?"**

 **"** **S-Sure." She says her cheeks feel like they are burning.**

 **"** **Great!" He says as he turns and heads downstairs whistling.**

 **Alison can't help it and she starts to giggle and looks at Emily who looks mortified. She walks over and pulls Emily into a hug and feels Em's body shake. As she pulls back she sees Emily is laughing uncontrollably as well.**

Emily comes downstairs it's almost 3 pm and she finds Alison curled up in a small ball on the couch and covers her with a blanket. She feels slightly guilty seeing Alison look so small and broken. She hears a soft knock at the front door; she walks over and opens it to find a bouquet of roses in a vase with a ticket to Leipzig, Germany the tickets are for next week. There is a note attached: **Can't wait to see you my love! –Elliot**

She picks up the vase and throws it at the wall with a loud crash, causing Alison to jump up in a panic the blanket falling to the floor. "What the hell?!" She says looking from Emily to the water running down the wall where the glass from the vase and roses are strewn about the floor. She walks over to the mess and picks up the ticket and the note. _OH SHIT!_

She turns to Emily, who bolts out the door. Alison runs after her and stops on the porch. "Emily!" She shouts but she's already disappeared around the corner.

Alison storms back into the house slamming the front door and cussing as she walks over to the mess on the floor. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" She picks up the glass carefully and the roses and toss them in the trash. She rips up the note and ticket in a rage, why did Elliot do something so stupid without talking to her first she told him she needed some time.


	7. Chapter 7 - I Do Not Hook Up

**Please leave me a quick review it really makes my day and it's been a really, really hard week.**

 **Enjoy!**

 ** _Dreams are in Bold and Italics_**

 **Flashbacks and Text Messages are in Bold**

 _Internal thoughts in Italics_

Chapter 7- "I Do Not Hook Up"

 **"Oh no I do not hook up, up** **  
** **I go slow** **  
** **So if you Want me** **  
** **I don't come cheap** **  
** **Keep your hand in my hand** **  
** **And your heart on your sleeve"**

She decides to call CeCe because she desperately needs someone to talk to and who better than her big sister. Over the years they had become really close especially since Jason and her father hardly ever spoke to her. Her dad had wanted to sell the house but Alison had interceded and asks to have it. To alleviate some of the guilt for everything that happened with Charlotte when she was younger and everything that had happened after Alison's return he had signed the house over to Alison.

"Hey baby girl! How is everything?" CeCe asks in her usual chipper tone.

"Horrible!" Alison says on the verge of breaking down.

"Tell me everything." CeCe says kindly.

"It started last night when I had to pick Emily up at the bar because she was so drunk. When I got her back to the condo and in her room she kissed me…"

"Way to go Americano!" CeCe said laughing.

"CeCe I'm still engaged, remember!"

"Yeah you're engaged, not dead. Did you kiss her back?" She asks sincerely.

"Yeah… I got caught up in the moment. We ended up on her bed…"

"Omg, did you sleep with Americano?" CeCe asks interrupting her.

"No we didn't get that far." Alison admits guiltily.

"But you wanted to." CeCe says more as a statement then a question.

"Sometimes yes, does that make me a terrible person?" Alison asks mentally beating herself up.

"Of course not babe! Rollins was there for you during some really hard times but remember what I told you do not mistake appreciation for love." CeCe tells her in a loving tone. "If you don't mind me asking, what made you stop with Emily?"

"It was Emily, she noticed my ring and I tried to get her talk to me but she was so angry. I had to stop her from breaking her fist on the wall!" Alison explains as she starts to cry.

"Did you get to talk to her about what happened?" CeCe asks in concern.

"I tried to last night but she was just so mad that I let her be and I fell asleep on the couch. Then this morning I was awaken by a vase of red roses hitting the wall and a ticket to Germany and a note from Elliot. I tried to tell her I had no idea he was going to send the ticket but she ran out before I had a chance." Alison says her voice trembling as tears slide down her cheeks.

"Ali he's trying to control you!" CeCe say furiously. "Ali you told him you needed more time and he just made a huge decision without talking to first."

"I know Ce but I don't know what to do anymore?" Alison admits in a crushed tone.

"You know no matter what you do I support you hundred percent babe!" CeCe said without hesitation.

"I know you do, love you CeCe," Alison says feeling drained.

"Love you too baby sis. Call me anytime for anything." CeCe tells her lovingly.

"Will do Ce, talk to you later." She says hanging up the phone with a sigh.

Emily didn't know where she was going but she needed to get out of there before she said or did something she'd regret. _How could I be so stupid! She's in love with someone else and their engaged. She had obviously made plans to go see him next week!_ She fumes as her feet take her the familiar path to the bar.

She lost count of how many drinks she has consumed as a blonde enters the bar and slides into the seat next her. She has almost the exact same eyes as Alison; her mouth goes dry as she looks into her eyes. The blonde turns and smiles seductively at Emily, showing off her dimples with a wink. In Emily's drunken mind she sees Alison sitting next to her flirting.

"Hey I'm Laura." She says with a glint in her eyes.

"Me… I am Emily." She says tripping over her words as she was pretty buzzed.

"Nice to meet you Emily, what do you say we get out of here?" She says wiggly her eyebrows at Emily suggestively and leaning into her touching her thigh lightly.

"S-Sounds good, I…I have just the place." She says with a hiccup.

They both stumble out of the bar giggling and leaning on each other for support.

Alison decides she needs to get out of the house for awhile she looks at the clock; it's not even 8pm yet. Emily wouldn't be dragging her drunken ass back till well after 2am or she'd get a call from the poor bartender to come pick her up so she can close the bar.

She walks a few blocks and stops at a little bistro and enjoys a light salad and glass of wine to de-stress after the events of the day. As she sips on her wine she absent mindedly twirls her engagement ring.

"Damn girl! That is a nice rock!" The waiter says as he walks by and notices her ring.

"Thanks…" Alison sort of grumbles out looking up into his bright green eyes.

"What's wrong gorgeous eyes?" He asks looking at her sad expression.

She can't help but smile at his kindness. "How long you got?"

"However long you like, angel eyes!" He says with a wink as he sits across from her.

She giggles a bit, "You don't even know me?!"

"Oh, sorry-sorry!" He says overly dramatic. "I'm Russell!", with a bright smile. "And you?"

"Alison but most of my friends call me Ali." She said returning his exuberant smile.

"Well then Ali, now we are practically best friends!" He says with a smug grin.

"I think I like you." She says her eyes twinkling a bit; he was kind of the male version of her. "I think I made huge mistake when I said yes." She says staring at the ring.

"Go on." He says kindly.

"He was there for me through a really dark time in my life. Overtime he sort of grew on me and we had dated for 5 years."

"So you felt obligated…" He says with a knowing look.

"I wouldn't have put it that bluntly but I guess you could maybe say that." She says sounding a bit defeated.

"Let me give you the same advice my grandmother gave me when I was afraid to come out! 'You deserve to happy!"

"He makes me…happy mostly!" She stumbles over her words a bit.

"Mostly? What does that mean?" He asks her honestly.

"Well right now he is on the other side of the world with work and they are most-likely going to offer him a job there. He wants me to join him but I can't right now because…" She pauses.

"Because…." He continues for her after a long pause.

"One of my…friends really needs me." She says not making eye contact.

"What's his name?" He says reaching out to gently touch her hand.

"H-her name is Emily." She says almost shyly.

"Oh, I see your bi." He says shaking his head in understanding.

"I'm not…bi!" She tells him and he looks at her confused. "Emily is the only girl I've ever had these feelings for."

"I understand, you aren't into labels much are you!" He says with a smirk.

"It doesn't matter any way once she found out I was engaged she started this downward spiral of drinking and sleeping with ever girl in town. She pretty much despises me especially now that my fucking fiancé sent me a ticket to come see him and she found it before I had a chance to explain. I told him I need more time before I made my decision to come visit or not." She says sounding crushed. "She yelled at me and left, that's all we do is yell and scream at each other."

"If she didn't still care for you she wouldn't be so angry with you." He says in a soothing tone.

She starts to tear up a bit as she lets his words sink in. Maybe he and CeCe were right, maybe just maybe Emily still did love her somewhere deep down. She smiles at him as she wipes her eyes. "Thank you Russell, you are very sweet."

"No problem angel eyes. You better bring her in so I can see if she is good enough for you," He winks.

"I'm the one who is not good enough." She says in a low voice.

"I don't buy that, don't sell yourself short." He says as he gets up. "Well I better start cleaning some tables or I'll never get out of here." He smiles widely at her.

"I better get home anyway, thanks for the company." She says gratefully.

"No problem beautiful and I mean it I want to meet this girl!" He says genuinely.

"Okay, later." She says setting down a $10 tip on the table.

She walks the few blocks back to the condo and notices the front door is wide open. She runs the last feet and slams the door as she trips on a pair of tacky stilettos. She picks one up and feels rage bubbling up inside her; Emily had the audacity to bring a girl to the house. She carried the shoe with her as she stomped up the stairs and headed down the hall to Emily's room. She didn't even bother knocking she just throws the door open and sees a blonde girl in lilac lace bra and panties straddling Emily who still had her jeans on and a black bra.

Emily giggles as the girl kisses her neck and she mumbles, "Alison…"

Alison is fuming _in_ _Emily's inebriated state she really thinks this skank is me, really?!_ Her temper gets the better of her and she grabs a handful of the bitch's hair and drags her off Emily.

"The fuck!" She screams struggling to get away from Alison's tight grip on her hair but failing.

"Get...the...fuck…out…of…my…house." She says in an eerie calm but aggressive tone.

"Ch-chill we were just having a g-good time!" She says as Alison loosens her grip slightly.

"You don't want to fuck with me…Now just put your fucking clothes on and get the fuck out." She says in a dangerously low voice her eyes turning icy blue.

Laura grabs her clothes in a hurry and makes a break down the stairs and stops to grab her shoe. Alison makes her way down after her and opens the wide door for the other blonde. As she slinks out the door quickly Alison chucks her other shoe at her. "Take your ugly ass knock offs with you bitch!" She screams as she slams the door. _What is it with Emily and blondes?_

She turns around and heads back up the stairs still fuming with rage. She entered the room and Emily was reclining on the bed still half undresses. It took everything inside of Alison not to pounce on Emily but then she remembered seeing that trashy blonde on top of her and she started seeing red. "What the fuck Emily? You bring some random bitch home?!"

"I-I just was tryn… to have a g-good time." She says barely making any sense.

"How much have you had to drink Emily?" Alison asks her anger slowly turning to concern.

"Come o-on Alison you… you need to loosen up a bit!" She says slowly standing up and making her way towards Alison unsteadily.

Alison catches her as she starts to fall forward, her eyes are glassy and she's having trouble focusing. "Emily Fields!" She says shaking her as she tries to get her to look at her. "How much did you drink?" She says panicking a bit now.

"N-not as much as, I did th-that night!" She says giggling now.

"Alright," she says reluctantly "but you can't be alone tonight…not in this condition." Alison says her tone softening.

Emily wraps her arms around Alison's neck and tries to pull her into her. "Have I…told you how sexy you are?" She asks her hands starting to roam over Alison's beautiful curves.

"Em-Emily…you need to stop…okay!? You're drunk." She says as a shiver runs down her body.

Emily pouts as she leans in and whispers, "You don't want…me?" Her sad eyes imploring Alison.

Alison wills the thoughts of Emily naked below her out of her head. "N-Not like this." She says barely audible.

"Fiiiiine!" Emily says in frustration.

"Can you get dressed…please?" Alison asks her desperately trying not to stare at her toned six pack.

Emily stumbles toward the closet and slumps against the frame. She grabs a tank top and some little shorts. She makes her way to her bed and fumbles with the button on her jeans. She can't seem to get her fingers to cooperate and looks helplessly to Alison.

Alison sighs and walks over to the irritated brunette. She carefully unbuttons her jeans and slides them down each leg; Emily puts her hands on her shoulders as she lifts her feet out of each pant leg. Alison takes the shorts and Emily steps in them still holding on to Alison's shoulders for dear life. She stands and gently helps Emily sit on the bed and Emily tries to reach behind her back and unclasp her bra. She starts to get frustrated and Alison softly grabs her hands. "Let me help you, please?"

Emily nods her head and puts her hands down. Alison's hands shake a bit as she undoes Emily's bra; she eases the fabric off Emily's arms trying to ignore the urge to sneak a look at her perfect breasts. Emily lifts her arms and Alison slides the tank top on covering up the temptation.

"I'll be right back." She tells Emily as she heads into her room and changes quickly into a large tee and boxers.

When she returns Emily is curled in a small ball on the bed. Alison walks around to the other side slips into the bed. Emily rolls toward Alison and gives her a heartbreaking small look. Alison opens her arms, "Come 'ere." She tells her gently. Emily crawls into her arms and snuggles against her chest. She flings one arm across Alison and absent-mindedly draws patterns on her breast. "Em… Emily can, can you please stop doing that!" She says in a strangled voice, trying to control her breathing.

Emily stops and lightly cups the breast instead, her breathing starting to slow and even out as she was overcome with sleep. Alison laid perfectly still willing her body to calm down as she felt the weight of Emily on her. She stayed up most of the night making sure Emily was breathing alright.


	8. Chapter 8 - Good Goes the Bye

**Please keep the reviews, feedback, and/or thoughts coming, I LOVE them and they help motivate me.**

 **Enjoy!**

 ** _Dreams are in Bold and Italics_**

 **Flashbacks and Text Messages are in Bold**

 _Internal thoughts in Italics_

Chapter 8- "Good Goes the Bye"

They say Rome wasn't built in a day  
But you and I went and built it anyway  
And it only took a second to watch it all fall to dust  
I thought you hung up the moon  
And you thought I lit up the room  
But the lights turned off and it was the end of us

Slam goes the door  
Hush goes the phone  
Out goes the flame  
And I'm standing here alone  
Burn goes the drink  
Down go the tears  
Drip goes the sink  
And I'm missing you like hell  
Break goes the heart  
Wrong goes the right  
Good goes the bye

 **Emily had spent most of the day drinking, she had finished at least two bottles of vodka and by the time she made it to Alison's front door she was completely sloshed and feeling no pain. She beats on the door as she takes another swig from her flask. She hears footsteps coming to the door and when it opens Alison looks confused. "What are you doing her Em?" She asks trying to feel out what kind of mood she was in and how drunk she was. "I thought you wanted me to 'Stay the fuck away from you!'. She says folding her arms protectively across her chest.**

 **"** **Don-Don't be th-that way Ali…" She says as she sways a bit and takes a sip from her small flask.**

 **"** **Em what do you want?" Alison asks her patients starting to wear thin.**

 **"** **I want… wanted y-you, but NO I'm n-not good en-enough for you ob-viously." Emily says pushing herself off the door frame trying to stand to look Alison in the eye but she stumbles and almost falls on her face.**

 **Alison reaches for her but Emily pushes her away and takes a long drink from her flask again. Alison grabs it from her hands while she's distracted, "Give me that before you kill yourself!" She yells as she takes the flask from a confused Emily.**

 **"** **Like it… would f-fucking matter...to y-you any way!" She screams at Alison as she steps closer to her.**

 **"** **Don't you dare ever say something like that! Do you understand me Emily Fields?" She says on the verge of crying because she is so hurt and angry with Emily.**

 **Emily lurches a bit and falls forward as Alison reaches for her. As Alison catches her, she notices that Emily's body is limp and her lips are blue. "Em…" She says shaking her slightly, panic rising in her voice at the sight of Emily. She doesn't respond so Alison carry/drags her to the couch and she lays Emily down gently and takes out her phone to call 911.**

 **By the time the ambulance shows up Alison is a sobbing wreck. She lets the paramedics in and they start working on her immediately. They start asking Alison questions and she tells them all the basic information and then they ask how much Emily had had to drink. Alison just shakes her head, she really has no clue, Emily showed up pretty wasted and had several more shots from the flask before Alison got a chance to take it away from her.**

 **Alison sat in the back of the ambulance holding one of Em's hands nervously as they started an IV and put a mask over her face to give her oxygen. When they got to the hospital Alison has to stay in the waiting room while they pump Emily's stomach. The doctor had explained that because she had ingested so much alcohol they needed to get it out of her system as quickly as possible to hopefully save her life. Alison was tempted to call Em's parents but they were all the way in Texas so she decided better of it for now.**

 **After an hour of alternating between pacing the room and flipping through magazines without actually seeing much of anything she started debating whether or not to call the Fields. As she was starting to take out her phone the doctor came out and told her that she was welcome to go see Emily.**

 **She entered the room quietly and sat next to Emily who was fast asleep. "Em…I'm so sorry for all of this!" She says tears flow down her cheeks as she gently takes her hand. Emily looks so fragile lying in the bed with IV's hooked to her and an oxygen mask with a tube to help her breath covering a good portion of her face. "I do love you Em…" She says in a whisper. "I always have and I always will."**

Alison awakens to the feeling of fingers on her bare breast, as she opens her eyes there is a tangle of dark hair laying on her shoulder. It takes her a minute to realize that Emily had at some time over the course of the night had slipped her hand under her shirt. She clears her throat. "Emily?!" Her voice squeaks as the fingers tweak her nipple. "Emily you need to wake up!" She says as her voice quivers slightly and need travels through her to her core.

Emily raises her head and blinks a few times, "Alison?" She says slightly confused as to why the blonde is in her bed and then she realizes where her hand is, "Shit!" She says as she rips her hand away like she was burned. "What the…what happened last night?" She asks her head pounding and feeling pretty queasy.

Alison slightly hurt by her response snaps as she stands up from the bed, "Well you brought some random bitch home!"

"Why do you care?!" Emily asks yelling right back at Alison standing up shakily.

"I-I… don't care!" She says getting in Emily's face.

"I know and that's the problem, you never did care about me. I was some sort of game for you to play!" Emily yells back with venom dripping in her words.

Alison's voice becomes dangerously low. "You know that is not fucking true."

"Oh! It's not true? Then why are you marrying that asshole?" Emily's voice rises with hurt.

"I'm not the one who ran away!" Alison yells jabbing her finger into Emily's chest.

That was all Emily could take, she turned to leave before she said something she'd regret.

But Alison wasn't having it, "So you're just going to run away again? When things get hard you just fucking run!" She says getting angrier and angrier by the minute.

"I couldn't stand for you to reject me again! It just about killed me the first time, in case you forgot!?" She says fighting tears.

"How could I forget? You went limp in my arms! I sat with you for almost two days in the hospital before you told me to get the fuck out!" Alison's voice raises a few octaves.

"Because I couldn't stand the thought of letting you back in just to have you want me to hide who I am!" Emily says crossing her arms defensively.

"I never wanted you to hide, I just…I was a stupid kid back then…" Alison says feeling guilty.

"I should've known better than to date a straight girl!" Emily says in a snarling tone as she walks out of the room.

Alison follows her down the stairs and grabs her arm before she can open the front door. "Emily? Please, please promise me you won't go drink?"

"Why does it fucking matter?" She whispers in defeat.

"It matters to me!" Alison implores. "Just please Emily… promise."

"I just need to clear my head." Emily tells her as she turns and walks out leaving a heartbroken Alison with silent tears streaming down her face.

Alison sits on the couch rereading some parts of the books she plans to cover in the new school year when her phone rings. She looks at it, it's Elliot, she sighs and answers.

"Hey baby! Did you get the flowers I sent you yet?" He asks anticipation in his voice.

"Yes I did Elliot and I thought I told you I needed some time to think before I gave you my decision!" She says her temper flaring in irritation.

"Well I wanted you here for the dinner party they are throwing in my honor." He tells her hoping to ease the tension.

"What?!" She asks angry. "Why are they throwing you a dinner party? She asks apprehensively.

"They offered me a full time position for three times what I am currently making!" He tells her barely containing his enthusiasm. "I wanted my future wife here to celebrate with me! Is that so bad?" He asks a tad defensively.

"Elliot, I can't just leave her…not again." She tells him in a desperate tone.

"But why Alison? You don't owe her anything!" He says getting upset.

"I-I can't explain it, I just… I can't leave her." She says her voice breaking with emotion.

"But I need you Ali! We are supposed to be getting married, I'm not going to make you chose but I would like my fiancé to want to support me." He says a little upset, as he finishes he waits for her response, but there is nothing but silence. "D-Do you still want to marry me?!" He asks hurt evident in his voice.

"I... "Alison starts but she can't seem to get any words out.

"Please Alison." He says gently, "be honest with me."

"Elliot… I-I think I confused my gratitude for you being there for me through a really tough time with l-love." She says each word carefully as if she was handling a bomb that was about to explode in her face.

"Well, I guess that's an answer." He says sadly. "Not the one I was hoping for."

"I'm sorry Elliot; we are just in two different places in life. I can't drop everything, I have a family here and my students… and Rosewood is my home!" She explains feeling horribly guilty. "Give me your address and I'll send you your ring back." She tells him in a kind voice.

"Just keep it, please." He tells her, "Just promise me one thing… that you will take care of yourself." He says gently.

"I will… and Elliot you are a good man, you deserve someone who can truly love you." She says her voice a bit shaky.

"Thank you and Alison I hope she makes you happy." He tells her sincerely.

"S-She does even when we are at each other's throats." She tells him honestly thinking about the love she still felt for Emily despite their current situation.

"Goodbye Alison." He says a little sadness in his voice.

"Bye Elliot." She says before hanging up and dropping her phone in her lap letting out a breath she didn't even realize she'd been holding in.

Alison looks down at her left hand and slides the ring off her finger, a feeling of relief suddenly engulfs her. Obviously CeCe and Russell were right; she just needed to do what made her happy. She knew it wasn't going to be easy; Emily was angry and very volatile especial when she has been drinking. They had so many things to talk through and workout if they had any chance of building any kind of relationship. Emily had to stop running from her any time things got tough or she said something Emily didn't practically like.

Emily walked around the city for a bit trying to calm down. She desperately wanted to get a drink and forget all of this bullshit but she promised herself she wouldn't go down that road again. She had come a little too close to repeating that night, becoming so drunk she had almost killed herself. She couldn't let Alison have that much power over her again.

 **When Emily opened her eyes, she was staring at white tiled ceiling and she heard a steady beeping sound. Her throat felt raw and it feels like a huge weight is on her chest. She tried to sit up but everything started to spin making her stomach churn uncomfortably. She could feel someone sitting right next to her and she prayed it was not her mother. She felt a small, soft hand lightly squeeze hers as she slowly turned her head her vision blurring. "Al-Alison?!" She croaks out, her throat feeling like she swallowed nails.**

 **"** **Y-yeah Em, it's me…" Alison says in a small voice so glad to see those beautiful chocolate eyes.**

 **"** **W-What…happened?" She says her voice barely a whisper as she blinks a few times trying to clear her vision.**

 **"** **You came to my house and were completely smashed. You kept drinking from a flask till I was able to take it away from you. Th-Then you fell… and I caught you. You went limp and your lips… they were blue." She says her voice trembling. "The doctors were worried th-that you might not make it."**

 **"** **Oh…" Emily says groggily, her eyes feeling heavy.**

 **"** **Just rest Em." Alison tells her rubbing her hand gently.**

 **Emily closes her eyes and drifts back to sleep.**

 **The next day Emily awoke to Alison still sitting next to her bed and she felt this horrible rage bubbling up inside her. She could hear Alison's voice in her head telling her she couldn't go to prom with her because she was afraid what people would think of her. She was too focused on her reputation and what everyone thought about her. "Get out!" She yelled her voice slightly stronger than the previous day.**

 **"** **Em, I'm sorry I…" Alison started to say.**

 **"** **Get, the fuck, out!" She says with more of a threat to her voice her eyes almost black.**

 **"** **FINE have it your way Em!" Alison shouts as she gets up and leaves the room, tears in her eyes.**

 **Emily rolled over with her back to the door and broke down, sobs racking her body. She could feel her heart shatter into thousands of jagged little pieces. She kept telling herself it was better than the alternative, she knew she could not live through having Alison only to lose her out of Alison's fear or worse to some guy. She was so afraid that Alison would meet some guy and decide that she was just an experiment. In her mind this was even more reason for her to get out of Rosewood as soon as she possibly could and forget about Alison.**

After walking around for about an hour at a nearby park, Emily decides she needs to go back to the condo and confront Alison with a calmer head hopefully. She was tired of all this dancing around and waiting for Alison to leave to be with her fiancé. She was tired of being stuck in this limbo like state with Alison for so many years; she needed some type of closure so she could start trying to move on as well.

She makes her back to the house and walks up the sidewalk. She stops at the front door and takes a deep breath, time to throw herself into the breach.


	9. Chapter 9 - Can We Go Back

**Please leave a review, suggestions, and/or feedback! I love reading them and hearing from all of you.**

 **ENJOY!**

 ** _Dreams are in Bold and Italics_**

 **Flashbacks and Text Messages are in Bold**

 _Internal thoughts in Italics_

Chapter 9- "Can We Go Back"

When did we mess it up  
What happened to love  
We had it good  
But it wasn't enough  
We shouldn't let it fade all the way  
Were over thinkin this way too much  
I want you next to me  
But somethins gotta change

 **Emily was waiting for the bus to take her to California for boot camp. Graduation had only been last week but she was more than ready to get out of Rosewood. She had said her goodbyes at a small party her mom had thrown for her and her friends with the exception of Alison. Her mom had ask her several times if she was sure that she didn't want Ali to be there and she had told her she was out of town in Cape May for the summer.**

 **Alison had been trying to call her all day, so she had decided to go ahead and change her number to a California one. She sent the girls her new number only when they had swore not to give it to Alison.**

 **Alison was becoming desperate, she'd been trying Em all day to no avail and now it was giving her the "The number you have dialed is no longer in service", bullshit. She got in her car to drive by Emily's house and when she saw balloons and miss you banner, her stomach dropped as she pulled into the driveway and ran to the front door. She knocked and a stunned Mrs. Fields smiled at Alison, "Did you just get back in town dear?" She asks with a soft smile.**

 **Alison blurts out, "Is Em home?"**

 **"** **No I just dropped her off at the bus station a few minutes ago." She tells her, distress in her voice. "Alison is everything alright?"**

 **"** **N-No…" She says barely in a whisper as she runs to her car.**

 **Alison drives as fast as she can towards downtown, as she passes the station she saw Emily standing there with a large duffel bag. She parked and made her way over to her, "Em? What's going on? Where are you going?" She asks slight panic building in her stomach.**

 **Emily whirled around, "Not that it's any of fucking business but I enlisted and my bus should be here soon!"**

 **"** **Wh-What?! What do you mean enlisted Em?" Alison says dread settling in her gut like lead.**

 **"** **What do you think!? It means I am leaving and I don't plan on ever coming back to Rosewood!" Emily says in a venomous tone.**

 **"** **Em can't we talk about this…. please?" Alison implores. "We can work this out, if you'll give me a chance to…" She starts to explain**

 **Emily cuts her off, "I am so done talking to you Alison!" She says as she turns away from her.**

 **Alison grabs her arm and spins her around and brings her lips to Emily's kissing her with desperation. At first Emily doesn't move but her body betrays her and her lips move against Alison's needy ones. She runs her hands through Alison's hair and tugs on the golden strands. Alison hiss in pain and is slightly turned on as Emily tongue meets hers in a sensual dance. Emily pushes Alison back shaking her head to clear it as she hears the bus approaching from down the street.**

 **Alison looks at Emily her eyes begging her to stay. "This doesn't change anything, I can't do this with you again… it hurts… too much Alison!" She says as she turns, grabs her duffel, and boards the bus. Hearing Emily use her full name kills her a little more inside.**

 **"** **Em! PLEASE!" Alison yells in pure desperation.**

 **"** **Have a good life…Alison." She says as the doors close and the bus starts to pull away.**

 **Alison falls to her knees as she is overcome with sobs, she feels her fragile heart ripped apart.**

As soon as Emily walks through the door she could feel anger coming off of Alison in waves. _Well shit! So much for calmer heads prevailing!_

Alison turns to see Emily walk in the front door and she is so anger she lashes out, "Emily you got to stop fucking running!"

"Oh like you have any room to talk Alison! You disappeared for over two years! I thought I'd lost… I thought you were dead!" Emily tries to amend her slip up.

"But I came back for YOU, Emily to be with you." She says defensively. "I'm not the one who left and changed their number and never called or tried to reach out." She says hurt and angry.

"Why would I? So you can drag me back in? Because I'm the loyal one, I am the easiest to manipulate because I had feelings for you and you played me!" She says moving closer and clenching her fist by her side.

"I wasn't playing you Emily," She says sounding defeated. "I love…."

"Don't fucking say it Alison!" She says getting right in her face. "If you supposedly loved me so much you wouldn't care who knew it! You don't even like girls… you didn't want to lose your toy!"

As Emily gets closer and angrier the words start to shred Alison's already fragile heart. "Of course you don't understand, you are the only girl I have ever had these types of feelings for Emily! I guess since I can't label them as gay or straight or even bi I must be a joke." She says with hurt.

"It doesn't matter any way! Did you forget you're engaged?" She spits out in a snarl.

Alison backs up a bit nervously, "I-I'm not anymore…"

"Why? Did you a Mr. Perfect have a fight? How long before you forgive him?" Emily says bitingly.

"It's over; I told him I couldn't move to Germany and that you needed me here." She says softly.

Emily noticed her ring was gone. "So what? Did you think we'd just pick up where we left off?" Emily shouts, her temper starting to become short.

"No, I thought we could at least have a chance to…"

"A chance to what Alison?! Break my fucking heart again!" Emily says as tears prick at the back of her eyes.

"Can you honestly tell me you do not have any feeling for me at all?" Alison asks moving dangerously close to Emily.

"Ali, I-I can't…" She whispers, forgetting for a moment as she uses the old nickname.

Alison's heart swells a little at the use of her shortened name coming from Emily. "Do you still love me…?" She goes for it, "Em?"

"Don't!" She says angrily followed by, "Please…" it comes out in almost whisper.

"Tell me you don't want me and I'll leave, I'll walk out that door and you never have to see me again!" Alison says.

Emily stands there dumbfounded, unable to get her mouth to form words. Alison turns and starts walking to the door, as she was pulling it open an arm pushes it closed. Alison turns and Emily has a hand on each side of her resting on the door. Alison looks into Emily's chocolate brown eyes nervously and she bites her bottom lip. Emily licks her lips as she watches Alison. Emily smashes her lips to Alison's all teeth and tongue as they both fight for dominance. Emily pins Alison to the door as she takes control and Alison whimpers into the kiss giving into Emily. Alison was used to being in control so it was really hard for to give in, she tries to take charge but Emily gives her a little growl. "It's my turn to be in control."

Emily lifts Alison up and she wraps her legs around Emily's hips. She takes Alison upstairs to her bedroom and crawls on blonde's bed setting her down as she kiss and sucks at her neck marking her flawless pale skin. Alison moans low as Emily marks her neck a few times. Emily slides Alison shirt painfully slow up her body as her hands run up her body. When she gets the shirt up and off she slides her hands down to Alison's belt where she stops and looks into Alison tumultuous blue eyes which are a dark cerulean with want. "Do you trust me?" Emily asks getting lost in Alison's eyes.

Alison thinks for a moment before she whimpers, "Y-yes."

Emily smiles at her and undoes her belt and uses it to gently wrap around Alison's slender wrists. She then secures the belt to the headboard, she looks into Alison eyes, "I'm not going to hurt you promise." She whispers.

Alison nods and tells her, "I trust you Em." She knew that Emily just needed to have the power this time to feel like she was safe and in control. Alison was more than willing to let her have this moment.

Emily unbuttons Ali's jeans and slide then down and Alison raises herself up so the brunette can slide them down her hips. Emily throws the jeans in a chair in the corner of the room and looks at Ali in nothing but her skimpy thong and bra. She'd seen Alison naked from the waist up once but that didn't even come close to seeing her now. She now had the beautiful curvaceous body of a woman. Alison starts to blush under what she feels like is intense scrutiny until Emily grins and says, "You are so gorgeous Ali!"

Emily lies over Alison carefully as not to hurt the petite blonde. She fuses their lips together in a searing kiss as she explores Alison mouth, their tongues moving in a comfortable rhythm. Em undoes Alison front clasp bra and bends down to place gentle nips and open mouthed kisses on her beautiful breasts. Alison is squirming and pulling against the belt dying to touch Emily and explore her tan toned body. Emily had always been in excellent shape in high school but now she has these sexy lean muscles and a six pack that Alison desperately wants to run her tongue over. "Em…" She moans as Emily rolls Alison's nipple gently with her teeth.

Emily runs her nails down Alison's sides making her squirm harder trying to free her hands. "Em…I want to touch you!" She says in a desperate whine.

Emily shakes her head; she's enjoying this too much. "I want to fuck you…" She says dangerously low. She moves back to Alison's perfect breasts and palms each of them massaging them as Alison makes tantalizing noises. Alison would never admit it but she was really loving this slightly domineering side to Em. The feel of Emily's mouth and hands worshipping her body is unbelievable; she has never felt anything like this before. Elliot always was rushed and she never felt satisfied with him. As much as she is enjoying this, she really doesn't want her first time with Emily to be where she can't touch and feel her herself.

"Em?" She asks waiting for Emily to look at her. Emily looks up at Alison's beautiful eyes but doesn't release her breast loving the feeling of the soft flesh under her hands. "Can you please let me touch you? I want to be able to feel you, especially since this is my first time with a… a woman." She says pleading.

Emily smiles and stops what she is doing and runs her hands up the blondes chest and up her arms bending down to kiss her gently. She slid the belt off her hands and notices the angry red welts on her wrists. Her face falls as she gently brings Ali's arms down to her and kisses them lovingly. "A-Ali… I'm so sorry." She says looking down in shame.

Alison slides her hands out of Emily's and uses her finger under Em's chin to bring her face up so she could look in her eyes. "Em, I'm fine, okay? I was pulling on them because I wanted to touch you so badly!" She says holding Emily's face and wiping the tears that are starting to form.

Alison kisses Emily's lips gently wanting to slow the pace down a bit as she had never done this before. Plus she wanted her first time with Em to be something special. She tried to convey all her feeling into that kiss as she runs her tongue softly against Emily's lips seeking entrance. Emily welcomes her and meets Alison tongue and she sucks at it tenderly eliciting a soft moan from Ali. Emily gently removes Alison's bra the rest of the way and pushes her back on the bed. She holds herself up hovering wonderfully close to Alison's body. She kisses Alison's neck and uses her tongue to sooth the anger looking bruises, Alison gasps at the feel and trembles slightly, Emily stops and looks into her eyes. "Did I hurt you?"

Alison swallowed and shook her head, "N-No it feels really good."

That's all Emily needs as she kisses her with so much need that Alison tugs at her shirt wanting to feel more of Emily. She broke the kiss so Ali could ease the fabric up and over her head and arms. She stared for a moment and ran her hands to the back of Emily's bra and unclasps it, fumbling a bit with it. Emily removes the lacy bra and tosses it with Ali's clothes. Alison's eyes take in the gorgeousness of Emily's breast and licks her lips. "Ali, you can touch me." She says with a grin.

Alison smiles and cups her breast tenderly as she feels Emily's nipples pebble under her hands. She pushes Emily down on the bed and brings her lips to kiss a path between her breasts and she kisses down to her sexy abs. She can't resist and runs her tongue along the muscles she finds there, Emily shudders under her and Alison can't help but smile. "Emily you are so fucking sexy." Alison says as she runs her fingers along Emily's jeans. She unbuttons them and eases the zipper down and slides Em's jeans off her sexy lean legs.

Now that they are both in just panties Alison can feel her core aching for Emily's touch. Emily flips them so she is on top again, she smiles and returns to Alison's neck and runs her tongue up to her jaw line and kisses along it. Alison isn't use to someone focusing on her like this, she could get us to it. Alison tangles her hands in Em's hair and pulls her in for a passionate kiss full of need as their tongues clash. They break the kiss both panting and Alison eyes connect with Em's brown meeting blue. "Em, I want you to make love to me…please." She says breathlessly.

Emily's eyes darken with want, "Are you s-sure Ali?" She asks looking deep into her eyes.

"Y-yes please!" Alison says a bit forceful, wanting Emily to touch her.

Emily can't resist her pleading tone making her whole body feel ablaze with want.


	10. Chapter 10 - All of Me

**Thank you all for coming along with me on this journey, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Please leave your final thoughts as I love hearing from all of you!**

 **Enjoy!**

Chapter 10 –"All of Me"

'Cause all of me  
Loves all of you  
Love your curves and all your edges  
All your perfect imperfections  
Give your all to me  
I'll give my all to you  
You're my end and my beginning  
Even when I lose I'm winning  
'Cause I give you all of me  
And you give me all of you

Emily wants Alison's first time to be special and not rushed, so she's trying to slow down her racing heart beat and libido. She runs her hand along Alison's cheek and locks her eyes with Alison sapphire ones, "You are so beautiful Ali." She kisses her perfect heart shape lips gently taking her time as Alison meets hers, matching her rhythm with her own. Emily runs her hands through Alison hair and stops when she finds her scar from where CeCe had hit in her in the back of the head all those years ago. She pushes herself up and softly kisses the spot and then lovingly caresses it. It reminds her how close she was to permanently losing Alison when they were teenagers.

She kisses her way down from the blonde's ear to her neck where she nips and licks at it causing Alison to moan and shudder. Emily continues down to her chest and kisses above her heart, "You are so gorgeous inside and out Ali." She lavish her breasts in kisses and nips at the underside of each teasing them before sucks Ali's nipple into her mouth. Alison ruins her nails down Em's back causing her to tremble above her.

"Em… please…" Alison says in almost a whisper.

Emily can't resist teasing her a bit more, "Please what?"

"Please stop teasing and make love to me." Alison tells her looking into Emily's eyes.

Emily kisses her deeply exploring Alison's mouth as her hand runs down her stomach to the band of her underwear. She runs her finger under the band and Alison shudders in anticipation. Emily breaks the kiss and sits up, she slowly eases Alison's thong down her legs, she stops at the scar on her thigh. She kisses around it gently as she hears Alison's breathe hitch. She removes the fabric and tosses it away and settles herself above her. She slides her hand down towards Alison's core and stops. "Are you sure Ali?" Emily asks not wanting to take things too fast for Alison.

"I've never been so sure of anything in my life." Alison tells her honestly.

Emily kisses her gently as she ease down to Alison's center and carefully slides her finger into her velvety folds as Alison gasps. "I-Is that alright?" Emily asks a bit worried that she'd hurt Alison.

"Y-Yes…" Alison says enjoying the feeling of Em touching her most intimate parts.

Emily resumes gently running her finger around her small bundle as Alison moans and her hips rock. Emily slides one finger into Alison reveling in how wet and warm she is. She starts slowly pumping the finger in and out of her as Alison sighs. She adds another and speeds up her pace a bit as Alison's hips rock up to meet her. Emily loves the way Alison's feels under her fingers, she has dreamt of this for so long and now that it is happening it's even better than she could have ever imagined.

"Em!" Alison cries out as Emily picks up the speed of her fingers as she slides in and out of Alison's depths.

Emily uses her thumb to tease Alison's sex and she feels the blonde's walls tighten around her fingers and she curls them as Alison's eyes roll back into her head as she is hit with waves of pleasure. She rides them out as Emily keeps a steady pace. As Alison gasps her sapphire eyes look with Emily's almost black eyes. Emily gently removes her fingers and kisses her thigh as she moves up Alison's body kissing here and there as she comes to Alison's sexy heart shaped lips. She takes Ali's bottom lip and nips at it as Alison grabs her hair and tenderly tugs on it. Emily lets her lip slide out from between her teeth and she lies on Alison's chest which is still rising and falling rapidly.

As her breathing starts to slow down she kisses Emily's forehead, "I have never… felt anything like that before." She chuckles with a huge grin plastered on her face.

Emily blushes at her words and hides her face in her neck. "Really?!" She mumbles her lips touching Alison's neck.

"Yes really!" She says running her hand through Emily's dark tresses. "Now I want to make you feel that good…" She says with a low growl as she flips Emily onto the mattress. "You just have to let me know if I do something wrong, okay?" She says locking her swirling blue's with Em's almost black with desire eyes.

Emily smiles up at her and nods as she bites her lip. Alison can't resist and capture her lips and kisses her tenderly. She runs her tongue along Emily's lips and the brunette parts them and meets Alison's tongue in a sensual dance. Emily moans into Alison's mouth as she pulls Ali down on top of her. Alison eases her hands behind Emily's back and fidgets with the clasp of her bra. Emily lifts herself up on her arms to give her better access. Alison unhooks her bra and gets up off Emily so she can sit up. Emily sits up long enough for Alison to take her bra off and drop it to the floor. Alison takes in the sight of Emily's sexy tanned skin.

"Em... you are so perfect." She says placing kisses between her beautiful breasts.

She runs her tongue around the undersides of her breasts as Emily trembles beneath her. Alison loves the feel of her soft skin and kisses all around her nipple before lightly nipping at the pebbled flesh. Emily gasps and closes her eyes enjoying the feel of Alison's talented mouth. With her other hand she teases Emily's neglected nipple, rolling it and pinching it softly. Alison loves the responses she is eliciting from Emily's beautiful lips.

She runs her nails down from Emily's chest to her muscled stomach where she places opened mouth kisses across the smooth skin. Running her hands down and looping them around the band of Emily's panties. She gently tugs on them and Emily raises her hips for Alison who removes them dropping them with the others. Alison looks up at Emily nervously, her hands shaking.

Emily looks at her and sits up, she grabs Alison's trembling hands, "Hey… hey, you don't have to do anything you don't want to." She says her brown eyes softening.

Alison swallows, "It's not that, I want to… it's just… you've been with other girls, w-who are more experienced than I am. I just… I just don't want to disappoint you, that's all."

Emily cups her cheek, "Ali… look at me… please." Alison's watery blue's look into Emily's kind browns. "None of them hold a candle to you, Alison DiLaurentis, I… I love you." She says a tear running down her cheek.

Alison catches the tear with her finger and smiles back, "I love you too Emily Fields!" She says as she fuses her lips to Emily in a needy clashing of tongues and teeth, trying to convey all her feeling into that kiss.

She crawls on to Emily's lap running her hands in her hair. She breaks the kiss and puts her forehead on Em's, "I want to make love to you now and as long as you'll have me,"

"How's forever?" Emily asks with a meaningful smile.

Alison pushes Emily back on to the bed and runs her hand down Emily's toned stomach. She gently teases Emily's folds with her finger as Emily sighs. "Does that feel good baby?" She asks feeling a bit bolder.

Emily shudders at the feel and whimpers, "Y-yesss…"

Alison keeps teasing the slick mound of her sex enjoying Em's little whimpers of bliss. She makes lazy circles around the sensitive little nub as Emily twitches below her. She keeps up her pace as she teases her relentlessly, enjoying the sounds she makes.

"Ali please... no more teasing!" She begs.

"What do you want baby?" Alison whispers into Emily's ear enjoying herself immensely.

"I want to feel you… inside, please…" She implores.

Alison can't deny her anything and eases her finger into Emily and starts to carefully thrust it into her, "Em... you're so wet!" Alison says with a grin.

Alison slides a second finger into her and starts to quicken her pace as Emily's walls constrict around her. She was absolutely loving this, she could easily become addicted to the feel and smell of Emily. Emily starts to grind her hips as Alison thrust faster and Emily screams her name, "Yes….Ali!" Her walls grip Alison's finger as the orgasm slams into her and Alison slows her movements but leaves her fingers inside Em. As Emily's coming back down Alison slides out and Emily whimpers at the loss of her.

Alison sits up quickly, "Di-Did I hurt you... Em?" She asks slightly panicking.

"No babe, I'm good!" She smiles at Alison mischievously. "You were… are amazing!"

"You're just saying that…" Alison blushes looking down at her hands.

"Ali… baby come here." She says opening her arms for Alison.

Alison snuggles into her and Emily kisses her forehead lovingly. Alison runs her fingers across Emily's abs loving the feel of her skin, she may have muscles but she is still soft to the touch. Alison looks up at Emily, "How bad am I… considering this was the first time I've…"

Emily gently places a finger on Alison's lips, "You were amazing, if I didn't know any better I'd think you'd done this many times before." She says smiling.

Alison returns the smile with a huge grin and then yawns. She looks at the clock it's almost 3am. "No wonder I'm so tired… It's 3am!" She smiles at Emily.

"No way!" Emily says turning to look at the clock. "Last thing I remember it was just before midnight." Emily kisses her tenderly.

"Em," Alison says waiting for her to look at her, "I love you." She says sincerely.

"I've loved you for as long as I can remember and still do." Emily admits before softly kissing Alison's lips. She lays back and wraps her arms around Alison holding her close as they drift off to sleep.

Alison woke up sore and it took her a moment to figure out where she was and whose arms she was in. She rolled over and saw the most perfect sight in the world; Emily was sleeping soundly with a smile gracing her perfect lips. Alison had a great idea, she was going to take Emily on a date to prove she had changed and was willing to show the whole world that she loved her.

She gently kisses Emily's eyes, her nose, and then her lips, as she pulls back Emily's eyes open slowly and she is slightly confused. "Ali?" She asks.

Alison heart sinks a bit but then she sees Emily's brown eyes light up. "Yes Em?"

"You are real, I-I thought… it was all just a dream?!" Emily says as tears start to fall down her cheeks.

"Babe." Alison says as she pulls Emily towards her. "I'm real and I'm not going anywhere!"

"P-Promise?" Emily asks in a small voice.

"Promise, forever!" Alison tells Em cupping her cheek and catching Emily's tears with her thumb.

"I love you so much Ali." Emily says with a slight sob.

"I love you Em and I should've screamed down the halls that day... and if you will let me I'll prove it to you." She says kissing the tears away from Emily's face.

"I would love that." Emily tells her sincerely.

"C-Can I take you on a date?" Alison asks suddenly feeling shy.

"After last night, you are afraid to ask me out?!" Emily giggles a bit.

"I j-just don't want to screw this up, you are too important to me Emily Fields." She says looking deep into her eyes.

"Ali, you don't need to be afraid okay?" She says grabbing her hands with her own. "We just need to learn to talk to each other." She says sincerely.

"O-Okay…" Alison says as Emily pulls her into a hug. "So is that a yes then?"

Emily pulls back a bit to look into Alison's eyes, "That's a yes!" She says as she kisses her sweetly.

Alison wore a yellow sun dress with a light blue sweater and she picked out a pair of skinny jeans and a white v neck shirt topped off with Em's favorite black leather bomber jacket for Emily to wear. She hadn't told Em where they were going as she wanted to surprise her.

As Alison and Emily entered the bistro Emily's face lit up, she and Alison shared a love for Paris since middle school. "Ali, I love it!" Emily leans into Alison with a huge smile.

They sit at a table near the window and look over the menu, Emily can't get the smile off her face, she's on a date with Alison finally. As they are making their decisions a familiar voice asks, "Hey girl how are you?" He says with a sparkle in his eye.

"Hey Russell, I'm doing well." She says barely containing the excitement in her voice,

Russell looks at Emily and asks Ali, "And who is the beautiful woman you have with you?"

"Russell this, is Emily!" She says beaming.

Russell can't help himself, "Damn! She is gorgeous isn't she!?"

Emily blushes at his words and shakes his hand. "Nice to meet you." Emily says a bit shyly.

Russell holds onto her hand, "I maybe gay but I might consider going straight for a goddess like you!" He says flirtatiously. "But alas I do believe you are taken." He says as he kisses her hand and lets it go. He looks at Alison expectantly.

"She is, if she wants to be." She says looking into Emily's stunning chocolate eyes.

Emily can't help but tease her a bit. "What are you asking me Ali?"

Alison swallows, a bit nervous suddenly, "Em… will you be my girlfriend?"

Emily beams, "I thought you'd never ask!" She says leaning over to capture the blonde's lips in a loving kiss.

"Awww.." Russell says happily, "I better be invited to the wedding!" He says lovingly.

"Of course you will be!" Alison says with a wink.

The End...


End file.
